Team Fortress 2: the Trouble with Time Travel
by Samuel Brooks
Summary: The RED team has an accident and ends up in the past. They soon learn that getting back won't be easy.  Please make sure your disbelief is thoroughly suspended.
1. The Engineer's Invention

The RED Sniper surveyed the view of the train yard that he could see from the window, though there wasn't much to see. Most days, the bases, and all the area between them, would be filled with crazed battle, as both RED and BLU fought to gain ground, and capture the all-important control points. Today, however, both teams were on the defensive, meaning there was no battle whatsoever.

RED had managed to capture the middle point of Well the previous day. They were in the process of turning the building into their main base of operations. This pretty much just meant moving dispensers and teleporters up, and covering door frames in sticky bombs, but it was still a job that was made easier by the collaborative effort of the entire team. BLU was similarly fortifying their second last point. It seemed they had a new sense of determination to not let another point fall into their enemy's hands. RED's next offensive push was not going to be easy.

For the first time in an hour, the Sniper saw movement in the enemy base. Through one of the second floor windows, the Heavy could be seen patrolling, massive gun in hand, obviously searching for any Spies lurking around the base. The Sniper knew that the Heavy would find none, but he wasn't about to tell the Heavy that. Walking around would probably give the fat-ass some exercise.

The Heavy stopped searching for a moment, still unknowingly in full view of the Sniper. Putting away his gun for a moment (the Sniper had no idea how he was even able to hide a gun that big on his person) he withdrew a chocolate bar from his pocket, and began munching on it contentedly. The Sniper chuckled; so much for exercise. As he watched the Heavy snacking, he got an idea.

The Sniper checked to see if his rifle was charged, and took careful aim. He fired, sending a bullet flying out the window of his base, over the train yard, and into the window of the BLU base. The bullet knocked the chocolate bar right out of the Heavy's hand, just as he was going to take a bite. The Heavy's eyes went wide, and he looked around, dumbfounded. The Sniper laughed heartily, before seeing the Heavy shrug and draw a second chocolate bar from his pocket. The Sniper considered shooting away this one too, but figured there was no point. The BLU team's refrigerator was probably as stuffed full of food for the Heavy as the RED's. The Sniper could always just shoot the Heavy in the head, but there'd be little point in that, either. He'd respawn by the time they attacked the BLU base again.

Turning away from the window, the Sniper decided to see how the rest of the team was doing. He walked back into the main chamber of the building- a huge room with two railway tracks going through it, and a bridge overtop of them that had the control point on it. The Demoman was passed out drunk on top of the point, with empty bottles of Scrumpy scattered around him. The Sniper noticed that the Black Scottish Cyclops had covered the point in stickies before falling asleep on it. If the demo accidentally hit the trigger while he was asleep, the Sniper hoped he'd get to see the effect. It'd probably be hilarious.

The rest of the team was spread out about the room, some of them were working diligently, but most were slacking off. The Sniper decided to go see what the Engineer was up to. The Sniper liked the Engineer; the two rarely encountered each other on the battlefield, but during downtime they could always have an enjoyable chat. Most of their conversations seemed to center around their mutual dislike of Spies, unsurprisingly.

The Engineer was working in the corner, whistling along as he hammered away with his wrench, and occasionally glanced over to a set of blueprints tacked up on the wall. A few of these glances were accompanied by a minor edit to the blueprints with a small pencil. The Sniper studied the machine that the Engineer was building. It didn't appear to be any of the Engineer's usual contraptions. It had the swiveling head of a level 1 sentry on top, some of the dials and switches of a dispenser on the sides, and even a swirling vortex of light similar to a teleporter coming out of the front. The Sniper thought he even saw a bit of hardware similar to that of a sapper built into the machine.

"What're you working on there, Engi?" The Sniper asked with curiosity.

The Engineer turned and grinned proudly, "I'm just tryin' to invent a new building to help us out."

"What's it gonna do?" The Sniper asked.

"If it works, darn near everything," The Engineer said, "I'm trying to save time and effort by combining all my machines into a single one that can perform each function better than the originals could ever do."

"Fascinating," The Sniper replied, "okay, more important question, can it make me coffee?"

The Engineer turned a knob on the side, selecting "decaf", and then hit a button which caused a small tray to pop out, with a disposable paper cup set on it. A tap above the tray filled the cup with fresh coffee, which the Engineer took and handed to the Sniper.

"I, uh, was just kidding, but thanks!" The Sniper said.

"No problem. That coffee machine was the first part I got working." The Engineer said.

The Sniper drank the coffee, and then noticed the large arrow pointing to the rim of the cup, and rolled up the edge.

"Blimey, I won a hat!" The Sniper chuckled.

"What? I went through 200 cups just trying to get one!" The Engineer grumbled, as he gave the machine a small kick "stupid machine."

The Sniper rolled up the rim a little further to see which hat he won.

"Oh. Tooth belt." The Sniper said, as he tossed the cup in the garbage.

A loud bang followed by a bellow of surprise and pain caught their attention. Looking up, the Sniper saw the Demoman flying and flailing through the air, having been rudely awoken by his stickies exploding beneath him. To the amazement of the Sniper, and shock of the Engineer, the Demoman landed directly on top of the Engi's new machine. The Engineer winced, expecting the machine to be broken beyond repair. Amazingly, it was undamaged.

The rest of the team gathered to see what the commotion was. The Demoman was, quite ludicrously, asleep again. As he shifted a little, he slid off the side of the machine, striking a variety of buttons and switches. The machine hummed with life as it tried to process how to respond to each switch.

"Uh-oh," The Engineer said, "I'm not exactly sure what that's going to do."

Suddenly, the machine flashed with light and began shaking violently. The sentry head began spinning around, and the teleporter lights began glowing even brighter. The machine began to hover in the air as it gave off a massive glow of multi-coloured energy.

"Okay, I don't even know _how_ it's doing that." The Engineer admitted.

"This is very bad!" The Heavy said with fear.

The Sniper shielded his eyes the machine seemed to explode with a wave of energy. He could feel himself being blown off his feet and spinning through the air. He braced himself for impact, but to his surprise, no impact came. After several seconds, he opened his eyes to see what was going on.

He was spinning through an enormous vortex of light. His team, and that crazy machine, was with him, all spinning around and yelling in confusion. The Sniper could just barely see the building outside the vortex. It slowly faded away and disappeared, as the vortex began spinning faster and faster. After several seconds of this, the Sniper began to feel nauseous, and passed out.


	2. Where are we?

There was an abrupt flash of light, and the Engineer tumbled down onto the grass. He shook his head back and forth, until the dizziness went away. Rising into a sitting position, he looked around at his surroundings. Strangely, he was in the middle of a forest. Trees of varying size, some large, a few small, but most of incredible size, were spread out sparsely. The Engineer noted a few of his teammates lying on the ground around him, but several were missing.

There was a flash of light to his left, and the Demoman dropped down to the ground. He groaned, but didn't move. There was another flash in front of them, and the Spy landed on the ground, doing a face-plant as he landed. The Engineer snickered; despite his confusion towards their current situation, he could always enjoy seeing the Spy get hurt.

The Scout appeared last, completing the team. After several minutes, everybody had regained consciousness, most of them having passed out in the vortex. Once they had got their senses back, the Scout asked what was on everybody's mind.

"What in the Hell just happened?!" He demanded.

"Where did the building go?" asked the Heavy.

"Where is me bloody bottle?!" the Demoman yelled, searching frantically.

Everybody turned to the Engineer, silently but unanimously agreeing that he was the most likely to have an answer.

"It, uh… appears we've been teleported somewhere." The Engineer said, scratching his head.

"Ah, well that explains it all," The Spy said, sarcastically, "We were teleported. Mystery solved."

"Look, that's literally the extent of my knowledge," The Engineer said, apologetically, but with a hint of irritation, "I don't even know what buttons the Demo hit, let alone what they'd do when all hit at the same time."

"What was that thing, anyway?" The Medic asked, "That contraption you were building?"

"It was a building designed to perform all the functions of my other buildings at once," The Engineer explained, "but it was a very early prototype. I hadn't done any testing to see what kind of glitches could be in the programming or hardware."

"Where is it now?" The Soldier asked.

"I'm not sure," The Engineer admitted, "it was in the vortex with us, so it should be here. It doesn't really make sense."

"We'll deal with that later," The Medic said, "Right now it would be prudent to determine where we are."

Everybody nodded in agreement, except for the Sniper. He had said nothing during this conversation, because he was distracted by something about the trees above them. The Engineer noticed him staring curiously, and asked what the problem was.

"Look at the leaves," The Sniper said, quietly, "About 20 meters up. Notice anything?"

"Uh… I notice they're green," The Scout said, in a voice of mock interest, "and the trees are covered with them… almost like, you know, leaves."

"The trees are covered with them, yes," The Sniper said, in a tone one would use on an ignorant child, "except any higher than 20 meters. The trees are bare from there to the top."

"So?" The Scout asked, impatiently.

"Why would that happen?" Asked the Sniper, rhetorically, "It looks as if something was grazing on the tops of the trees."

"Like a giraffe?" The Demo offered.

"A 20 meter tall giraffe?" The Engineer asked, "Not likely."

"Either it was an animal living in the trees, but only eating leaves from above a certain point for some reason," The Sniper wondered aloud, "or it was a very tall animal; perhaps one that would find it difficult to bend itself lower."

"Mhmf mrr mhol mhn mph munph," The Pyro observed.

"A hole in the ground?" The Sniper asked, then followed the Pyro's gaze to the base of one of the trees.

There was a hole in the ground, about two feet deep and over six feet wide. It was roughly circular, but a bit jagged on one side, so that the edge of the hole came to five points. It looked like a massive footprint. The team regarded it in silence for a moment.

"All in favour of getting the Hell out of here?" The Scout asked, raising his hand.

Whether anybody else would have raised their hand was never found out, as their attention was suddenly drawn by a loud crashing sound in the distance. They all looked at each other, then in the direction of the sound again, then back to each other.

"Should we go see what that was?" The Sniper asked.

"You're asking if we should go _towards_ a 20 meter tall monster?!" The Scout asked, incredulously.

"A monster that was eating _leaves_," The Sniper pointed out.

"I really don't give a crap what a 20 meter tall monster eats. I'm not going anywhere near it."

A second crash, distinctly one of a tree getting knocked down, came from the same direction. But this sound was much closer than the previous one.

"You're in luck," The Engineer said to the Scout, "You don't have to go near it. You just have to wait for it."

"Prepare for battle, men!" The Soldier barked, readying his rocket launcher.

"Like Hell!" The Scout said, "I signed up to fight _people_, not monsters! I'm outta here!"

The Scout dashed off in the opposite direction. It was a moment of cowardice, but the other men couldn't blame him. They were scared, too. Standing their ground, but shaking with anticipation, they turned to the approaching beast, and waited.

With a thunderous crash, a tree fell over as the creature came into view. It was indeed enormous. It was reptilian, with massive legs, a thick body, and a giant tail, swaying behind it. Its distinguishing feature, however, was its neck, which made up half its height, or maybe even more. At the top of its neck was its head, which was comically small in comparison to its body. It was a dinosaur.

"…Dear God,"

"How- what-"

"Mmphf?!"

"RUUUUNNNN!!!!" Came the panicked scream of the Scout, bursting back out of the trees.

He dashed past the team, running so blindly and in such a panic that he nearly ran into the dinosaur before he saw it.

"RUUUNNNN! RUUU- Oh Crap!!!" He screamed as he dodged the dinosaur and ran past it.

The team turned around, looking to see what the Scout was fleeing like a little girl from. They could hear trees breaking, as something pursuing the Scout came right towards them. It broke through the trees and revealed itself to the men, who were more stunned then they'd ever been in their lives.

In all the pictures any of the eight men had seen of T. Rexes, they had tiny arms. The comically useless arms dangling from the massive creature's body were as recognizable as its horrifyingly large mouthful of teeth. This behemoth's arms were not tiny. They were 10 feet long, and bristling with muscle. It made sense why it's arms need to be so big, considering what it was holding.

It was a T. Rex. And it was holding a 20 foot long minigun.


	3. Taking Cover

The Demo dashed through the trees, shoving ferns and bushes aside as he struggled to get as far from the T. Rex as possible. He stumbled over a root, regained his footing, and ran ever the faster. An amazingly loud whirring noise came from behind him- the sound of a ludicrously large minigun barrel spinning. A sudden, thunderous noise bellowed out from the gun as it fired. Each earth-shaking bang was as loud as any explosion the Demo had ever heard.

A tree trunk exploded as the Demo ran past it. The Demo glanced around to see bullets the size of soda cans ripping the jungle apart. The tree had been destroyed by just one of them. And there were hundreds in the air. Another bullet hit a puddle just ahead of the Demo, sending up an explosion of mud and water, actually knocking the Demo off his feet. He landed at the foot of a tree trunk larger than a redwood. Praying that it would shield him, at least for a moment, the Demo scampered behind it.

Looking around, he saw his team taking cover behind similarly large trees, except for the Heavy, who was ducking behind the dead long-necked dinosaur, which had been killed by the T. Rex. The Soldier was jumping out of cover for split seconds at a time, firing rockets at the T. Rex. Not having time to aim meant nothing hit. The Demo realized he would have to help out and peaked around the tree. The T. Rex was firing it's minigun at any movement it could see, and roaring with enthusiasm. It almost reminded the Demo of their Heavy Weapons Guy.

Taking careful aim, while trying to stay as far behind the tree as possible, he shot a grenade at the T. Rex. The grenade flew through the air, luckily not being hit by any of the giant bullets, and struck the T. Rex in the chest. The T. Rex stumbled back slightly, his chest showing minimal damage from the blast. At least the beast could be harmed by their weapons.

The T. Rex roared in anger and swept his minigun across the forest. Several trees had fallen down by now. It wouldn't be long until all their hiding places were reduced to splinters and sawdust. The T. Rex began moving forward, a savage grin on its face showing massive teeth. Suddenly the loud crack of a gunshot- distinct from the sound of the T. Rex's gun- rang out, and a bullet hole appeared on the T. Rex's head.

The Team all turned to their Spy, who was standing to the T. Rex's right, holding his smoking Ambassador. The massive amount of damage that the hand cannon dealt to humans did little to harm the gigantic reptile. Rage filling the T. Rex's eyes, it swung it's gun around a pointed the end, which was almost 6 feet wide, right at the Spy's face.

"I, uh, didn't think that through very well." The Spy admitted.

The Demo suddenly realized that the T. Rex was distracted. He burst out from behind the tree and took aim with his grenade launcher, calling to his teammates for help.

"Fire! Fire!" The Demo yelled, "Rip it apart!"

In unison, the team unleashed all the firepower they were capable of. The Soldier let out a volley of four rockets in quick succession. The Demo's grenades arced towards their target one after another. Hundreds of bullets from the Heavy's own minigun ripped through the T. Rex's scaly flesh. Even the Scout pitched in with his pistol. The T. Rex was thrown backwards and crashed to the ground. It struggled to get up despite the barrage that continued to bombard it. The Demo switched to his sticky launcher and, as quickly as he could, layered the ground beneath the T. Rex with stickies. Just as the T. Rex roared and spun up its gun again, the Demo detonated the bombs, blasting the monster to pieces.

*****

Several seconds later, after the team had caught their breath, they began discussing this bizarre new development. Everybody naturally turned to the Engineer again, who they could only hope would have a theory.

"What the Hell was that?!" The Scout demanded.

"A Tyrannosaurus Rex," The Engineer said.

"No shit. Why the Hell did it have a minigun?!"

"I'm not sure," The Engineer admitted, helplessly, "It doesn't make any sense."

"Have we travelled back in time?" Asked the Sniper

"That would explain the dinosaur, but not its gun," The Medic point out.

"Not to mention its arms," The Engineer added, "It must have evolved gigantic arms in order to carry a minigun, but that would thousands, if not millions of years! Unless…"

"Unless what?" The Sniper asked

"Of course! That would explain it!" The Engineer said, the light bulb all but visible above his head, "We were dumped in this timeframe when we fell out of the vortex, but the machine that sent us here wasn't simply caught in it; it was generating it!"

"So?" The Scout asked, confused.

"So it couldn't simply fall out. It travelled backwards through time in the vortex until it arrived at a much earlier point than us!"

"How would that give a T. Rex a gun?" The Medic asked.

"The machine has been in the past for millennia. After all these years, the dinosaurs must have grown accustomed to it. Eventually they adapted and started using the machine's technology."

"Are you saying we accidentally gave dinosaurs 20th century weapons technology?" The Demo asked, incredulously.

"Yes, that's what I'm saying," The Engineer said.

"Hold on a minute," The Scout said, "Are we just ignoring the fact that the Hard Hat somehow invented a time machine?"

"That's a good point," The Medic agreed, "How did that machine send us back in time at all?"

"That's a thinker, isn't it?" The Engineer said, scratching his chin, "I'll need time to figure it out."

"Engineer?" The Spy asked.

"Ya?"

"You are assuming the T. Rex gained the minigun by accessing its blueprints from inside the machine?"

"Of course," The Engineer nodded, "the machine had a Dispenser's information node. It provides details for all weapons we use, so it can provide us with the right ammunition. Why?"

"Oh, no reason," The Spy said, calmly, "But it would explain the Scattergun in the hands of the raptor approaching us."

"…What?"


	4. A Changed Timeline

They all whipped around to see what the Spy was talking about. Sure enough, there was a raptor approaching them, holding a scattergun just like the Scout's. It seemed to not notice them at first, too busy snaking in between trees and jumping over logs to look closely in the distance.

"I think it would be wise to hide somewhere," The Sniper suggested.

"The Spy's way ahead of us on that one." The Demo reported.

They all turned to where the Spy had been. Sure enough he was gone- cloaked and dashing off somewhere into the woods.

"That damn coward!" The Engineer growled.

A screeching roar brought their attention back to the dinosaur. It stood 10 feet away, staring at them. There was an awkward second as he tried to figure out what the humans were. After a moment, it seemed to shrug and raised its scattergun. The team quickly raised their guns, ready to shoot down this second threat, but they were interrupted by yet another arrival.

A rocket flew over their heads from behind, and struck the raptor in the face. It was blown to bits, with a surprised yowl. The team all turned around once again, and saw another dinosaur, which only the Engineer recognized. It was a pachycephalosaurus- a creature with an enormously thick dome of bone on top of its skull, made for ramming. The dome was so thick and large, it almost hid the creature's eyes. It was bizarrely reminiscent of the Soldier- especially with the rocket launcher in its hands. It was, to the team's shock, accompanied by a second T. Rex, also wielding a minigun, and a another dinosaur- completely unknown to the Engineer- wielding a Medigun.

"You have got to be kidding!" The Scout yelled.

"Run! Run!" The Demo shouted.

Everybody dashed away as a battle exploded around them. More gun slinging dinosaurs were arriving from all directions- giant, saurian versions of the 9 members of the team. They completed ignored the humans, instead focused on fighting each other. As the team dashed away, the Sniper noticed that half of the dinosaurs had scales tinted blue, and were fighting the other half, with scales tinted red.

They ran and ran, but the battle was everywhere. They emerged from the forest onto an enormous plain, and they could see an enormous panorama of violence, as two opposing dinosaur forces tore each other apart. They were all completely dumbfounded by the sheer impossibility of it all.

"I though maybe a handful of dinosaurs had learned to use weapons! Not all of them!" The Engineer yelled.

"We must find a way out of this battlefield!" The Medic yelled back.

Before the Engineer could respond, a giant foot struck the ground, separating the team in two halves. The foot belonged to a T. Rex, which had failed to notice them and was blasting its minigun across the plain. The team dashed away from the T. Rex in all directions, forced to split up.

The Engineer ran as fast as he could, skirting the tree line, hoping to find a hiding spot. A vicious growling came from behind him and he looked over his shoulder. Another Scout-Raptor had taken notice of him, and was pursuing him with a baseball bat in hand.

"Brraaauurrrnkk!!!!" The thing roared, which, to the Engineer, sounded ridiculously like the cry of 'Bonk!' that the Scout was so prone to shouting.

Whipping around, the Engineer put a shotgun blast in the raptor's chest. It stumbled back stunned, only to take another blast from the side and go flying into the woods. The Engineer turned and saw the Scout, holding his smoking Force-A-Nature.

"Let's go! We gotta get outta here!" The Scout said, frantically.

"Where are the others?!" The Engineer asked.

"I don't know! Just run!" The Scout yelled. They had been doing a lot of yelling and running in the past few minutes.

****

A few minutes later, the Engineer and the Scout were hidden safely away from the battle. They were in a small clearing a few dozen feet into the woods. The Engineer was seated at the base of a tree, catching his breath. He looked up and noticed the Scout was snickering quietly.

"What's so funny?" He asked, amazed the Scout was any less terrified than him.

"Nuthin', I just can't believe I shot a dinosaur in the face," The Scout said, "Talk about living childhood dreams, eh?"

"We're in a lot of trouble, kid," The Engineer said, "We've made a very big mistake."

"Ya, I know," The Scout said, "We gotta find that time machine of yours and get back to the present."

"It's worse than that," The Engineer said, "The present might not exist anymore."

"Huh?"

"At least, not the present we came from," The Engineer explained, "Think about it. Nobody's ever found a fossilized dinosaur with a gun. Nobody's ever found any trace of a Red Vs Blu war between dinosaurs. We've changed the timeline- probably permanently. Red… Blu… Hell, humans themselves might never come into existence because of us coming to the past."

The Scout stared blankly. No doubt his mind was reeling from the significance of the Engineer's words. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again, then closed it.

"…Does that mean there'll be no baseball in the future?" He said with a chuckle.

"This is serious!" The Engineer said to him, amazed and angry at the Scout's juvenile attitude.

"Come on, Hard Hat, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" The Scout jeered, "If humans will never exist, why do _we_ exist? How can we have come to the past if we're not going to be in the present?"

"I don't know," The Engineer said, "maybe we've created an alternate universe travelling on a new timeline!"

"Or, maybe we're going to stop all these dinosaurs from ever getting guns," The Scout suggested.

"What?!"

"Oh, give me a break, you're supposed to be a scientist!" The Scout said, "You know what sent us here? A time machine! All we have to do is find it, travel to when it arrived before us, then take it back to the present with us! Then it won't be here now, and the dinosaurs won't use it to make guns!"

The Engineer scratched his head in confusion, "That's either the greatest or most insane idea I've ever heard."

"The two are often the same," Said a voice coming from behind the Scout.

"Whoa!" The Scout said, jumping in surprise as the Spy decloaked, "Don't do that!"

"Spy! You bastard!" The Engineer said, jumping up, "Why'd you run off on us like that?"

"It is my nature to know when to avoid direct conflict when fleeing is the wiser option," The Spy said, calmly, "You all ran from the dinosaurs too. I, however, did it first, because I am much smarter than all of you."

"Ya, well…" The Scout began, trying to think of a comeback, and failing, "uh… well, a warning would have been nice!"

"So, where have you been?" The Engineer asked the Spy.

"Ah, yes," The Spy said, "That's why I came to find you. I've made a discovery…"


	5. Searching for the Machine

The Scout pushed his way through the bushes, following the other two. The Spy wouldn't let on what they were going to see. It annoyed the Scout that the Spy would be so cryptic for no apparent reason other than drama. Still, the Spy's general avoidance of teamwork meant that, if he wanted his team's help, chances are it was something important. The Engineer was grumbling as he shoved branches and shrubbery out of the way. His short, stocky frame made moving through such a thick forest difficult. Luckily, they reached their destination quickly enough, and the Spy indicated that they'd arrived.

In between a couple of trees sat a Dispenser, easily twice the size of any the Engineer had ever built. Its builder lay nearby, draped over a pile of sentry rubble, a knife wound in its reptilian back.

"It appears the dinosaurs even learned how to build their own buildings," The Spy said, "We truly have unleashed our war in the prehistoric world."

"Ya, that's just tragic," The Scout said, sarcastically, "You seriously dragged us through a million thorn bushes just to show us a giant Dispenser?"

"Considering the enthusiasm in your constant requests for one to be built, I thought you'd enjoy it," The Spy replied.

"Enough crap, Spy," The Engineer said, "Obviously you dragged us here for a reason. What's on your mind?"

"I know how to find your Time Travelling device." The Spy announced.

"Alright, that sounds good," The Scout agreed, "how?"

"We can use this Dispenser to hack into the TF Industries Building Network and determine the GPS location of the machine."

The Scout stared blankly. The Engineer scratched his chin.

"That… might actually work," The Engineer confirmed.

"Wait, you can hack a Dispenser?" The Scout asked

"Of course," The Spy said, "I only sap them because it's so much easier and quicker."

With that, the Spy set to work. The Engineer helped out, removing the main screen of the Dispenser and sorting out which wires should be connected where. Soon, they had wired a sapper into the Dispenser's circuitry, and were using it as an interface.

"Alright, it won't let me access the database without detecting a dinosaur using the machine." The Spy determined.

"Can you figure a way to tamper with its proximity detection?" The Engineer asked.

"Maybe…" The Spy said, in thought, "Ah! I'll look into its records of activity- I don't need to go through the database for that- and then I can find out what signal the proximity detection sends to the security system to let it know a friendly is nearby, and then fake that signal."

The Scout watched them work, dumbfounded by all the technobabble. He impatiently sat down and tapped his foot on the ground, waiting for them to make progress. He wished he had brought some Bonk! Atomic Punch.

"Excellent," The Spy said, "The Dispenser thinks its Engineer is still working on it now. All we need now is the password."

"Try "Swordfish"," The Scout suggested.

"The password is _never_ "Swordfish", alright?" The Spy said, irritated.

"Besides, Swordfish haven't even evolved yet," The Engineer pointed out.

"Try "Evolutionary Ancestor of a Swordfish"." The Scout countered.

The Spy grumbled with malice, and then started trying out different words. His training had given him a knack for guessing passwords, but he had only ever hacked into human computers. It took five minutes and 20 failed attempts before he admitted he was stumped.

"Well, this plan is failing horribly," The Engineer said, "Scout, any ideas?"

"Ya, just use _your _password." The Scout said, like it was obvious.

"What?" The Spy asked.

"You don't need a password to build it, right?" The Scout pointed out, "And for all we know, building is the most the dinosaurs ever did. Maybe they never figured out the password themselves. But if they built the Dispensers to the exact specifications from the time machine, then they'll have the same password that _you_ gave them, Hard Hat."

There was an awkward silence, and the Engineer turned back to the machine and typed in his password.

"T…o…a…s…" He said aloud. As soon as he hit the last letter, there was a loud ding from the machine, and the control interface popped up on the screen.

"I can't believe that worked!" The Engineer laughed.

"Ooh, big surprise," The Scout said, "When we get back to the 60s, don't forget that it was me who saved our asses."

The Engineer selected the GPS from the interface and they were treated to a world map, covered in little red icons of Dispensers, Sentries, and Teleporters. It took a few seconds of searching, but they located on spot where there was a Sentry, Dispenser, and a Teleporter in the exact same place.

"All the different functions of the machine are sending their own signal," The Engineer determined, "That's the time machine. That's where we need to go."

"There's a problem with that," The Spy replied, "Look at the layout of sentries around it."

There were at least 20 sentries arranged in a circle around the machine. There were even more spread out around that. It was easily the biggest cluster of icons on the entire map.

"That must be RED Headquarters," The Spy said, "The RED Dinosaurs are in control of your machine, and they're keeping it in the most heavily defended place in the world."

"An army of freakin' _T Rexes_ with freakin' _miniguns_ can't penetrate those defenses," The Scout said, in amazement, "What hope do we got?"

"We're gonna have to get the team back together to figure something out," The Engineer told him, "Scout, go find the rest of the team. Tell them to head back to the clearing where we first arrived. Spy and I will head there now."

"I have to run across a battlefield full of gun-wielding dinosaurs and find 6 guys who ran in all different directions, then convince them all to head to where they were all running from in the first place? While you guys take a casual stroll through the woods?!"

"Pretty much."

"I hate you guys." The Scout said, as he started off.

"Well, there goes the kid you figured your out your own password before you did." The Spy quipped, as they started off together.

"Oh shut up, or I'll tell him I saw you try "Swordfish" a couple times." The Engineer shot back.

"I was just making sure I considered all options," The Spy claimed, "Besides, it would have been more embarrassing if I didn't try "Swordfish", and it somehow turned out to be right."

"Whatever, it was still hypocritical."

"I'd rather be a hypocrite than a guy locked out of his own machine."

"You're a self-righteous dick."

"You're a crazed pseudo-scientist."

"Cowardly back-stabber!"

"Moronic turtle!"

"Knife-wielding sissy!"

"Wrench-swinging redneck!"


	6. In Which Man Takes Flight

The Sniper checked his watch, looked around, and checked it again. They had all gathered in the clearing again, save for Engineer and Spy, who had yet to arrive. It had been over 15 minutes since the Medic had arrived with the Scout, all but completing their group. Everybody was getting quite impatient.

"We're sittin' here in the middle of the bloody forest next to 100 tons of dead dinosaur that not an hour ago was tryin' to kill us!" Griped the Demoman, "And the damn fools who told us to gather here are taking all the bloody time in the world!"

"They'll get here," The Sniper said, "Just be patient."

"Of course you think we should be patient!" The Soldier laughed, "You're the one who sits around on the battlements waiting for the enemy to come to you, when you should be out hunting him down to kill him with your bare hands!"

"You can challenge my methods all you want," The Sniper replied, dryly, "But while you're out there blowing your own legs off with rockets and getting shot in the face, I'm topping the scoreboards with 50 cent bullets."

"Calm down, dummkopfs!" The Medic ordered, "I believe I hear our missing team members approaching."

Everybody listened intently for sounds. In the distance, the Engineer and Spy could be heard, having what could be considered casual conversation between those two.

"Slack-jawed grease monkey!"

"Cheap suit wearing Yuppie!"

"Overcompensating gun-lover!"

"Stab-happy maniac!"

"Beer-swilling-"

"Oh look, we're here."

The Engineer and Spy looked around to find themselves among their team, finally.

"Thank goodness, because I just now ran out of insults," The Spy admitted.

"Right, well, now that we're all here," The Medic announced, "We can start forming a plan. So, for those of us not briefed on our current situation: We have to get to the Engineer's time machine, which is the cause of all the dinosaurs' technology. It's held at the dinosaurs' counterpart of Red Headquarters, guarded by the heaviest concentration of defenses in the world. Raw force will not be able to get us through. So what are our plans?"

"Glad you asked, Doc," The Soldier said, "I have a plan that cannot fail. First, we kill another Heavysaurus Rex, and then we skin it. We all get on each other's shoulders and wear the skin like a costume. Then, we walk right in!"

"That could not possibly ever work, ever." The Scout said.

"Ahh, but the idea behind it may be sound," The Spy pointed out, "Not all of our prehistoric counterparts are gargantuan. One of those Scout Raptors is about the right size for me to disguise as. All I have to do is make a new mask. Then I will simply sap all their defenses and let you gentlemen in."

"That might work, but there's one fatal flaw." The Engineer said.

"What's that?"

"You're a Spy. As soon as your in you'll make a beeline right for the time machine and leave us in the past."

Everybody glared at the Spy with suspicion. The Spy stared back, puffing his cigarette thoughtfully.

"I might not."

"Ya, that plan ain't gonna work," The Sniper agreed, "We need to start from scratch."

"I think I'm cookin' up an idea," The Demoman offered, "Suppose I set up eight stickies at once in one spot, while the Medic builds up an Ubercharge. We Uber one of use and they jump over the stickies, which I detonate, sending them flying towards the time machine. They soar effortlessly over the sentries and land right in the middle of Red Headquarters. Then, we do it eight more times, until we're all inside!"

"A good plan, my friend," The Medic agreed, "But what happens when it's just you and me left here? If you perform the sticky jump, I'll be left behind without stickies for myself, and if I take the jump, you will have no Uber."

"…Well, it seemed like a good idea. I'm done." The Demo shrugged, as he took a swig from his Scrumpy.

"No, no, it's a good idea," The Engineer assured him, "but you don't have to send all of us. You only need to send me! I'll build a teleporter entrance here, and once I'm inside, I'll build an exit!"

Everybody glanced to each other, nodding that it was a good idea. The Soldier, however, apparently had one more thought.

"I'm still gonna skin me a T. Rex while we're here."

"Alright, I am almost fully charged," The Medic reported, as he switched healing targets between the Soldier and the Heavy.

"Stickies are all perfectly set up," The Demo added.

"Alright, the Teleporter is ready, too," The Engineer said, "Come through as soon as I activate the exit."

"I am charged!" The Medic announced, as latched the Medibeam onto the Engineer.

"Okay, let's do this." The Engineer replied.

"Remember, Engineer," The Medic warned, "As soon as you take off, you will be outside the range of my Medibeam. You will be quite vulnerable to harm again. Landing may be difficult."

"Right, well, I'll figure something out," The Engineer said, "Try and hit some water or something. Okay, hit it, Doc."

With a bright flash, the Medic and the Engineer turned a glowing red. The Engineer gripped his shotgun tensely and charged forward at the stickies.

"For Science!" He declared as he leapt over the bombs.

There was a small but highly powerful explosion as all eight stickies exploded at the same time. The Engineer almost seemed to vanish as he was shot away into the sky at almost the speed of a bullet. He flailed and tumbled through the air as he disappeared from the view of his team.

"Whooooooaaaaa!" The Engineer yelled as he rocketed through the sky, "This is really cool but incredibly terrifying!"

Struggling to balance himself, he managed to get upright as he soared hundreds of feet above the ground. Looking into the distance, he could see Red Headquarters. The entire place was crawling with gun-slinging dinosaurs, all oblivious to the tiny human shooting through the air towards them. The Engineer grinned, and then heard a loud, predatory screech behind him.

"Do you see him?" The Scout asked the Sniper.

"Ya, I see him now," The Sniper replied, watching the Engineer through his rifle's scope, "Looks like he's on his way down now… uh oh."

"What is it?" The Scout asked.

"There's a pterodactyl flying up behind him! It's gonna pluck him right out of the air! Okay he sees it now… I think he's shooting at it… its grabbed him… okay, he's punching it in the head… he's climbing onto its back in mid-air… I think the crazy bastard's trying to _ride_ it!"

The T. Rex held its minigun, surveying the field beyond the perimeter fence of Red Headquarters. The giant sentries a few feet ahead of it hummed as they searched for any invaders. The T. Rex arched as an eyebrow as he heard what sounded like yelling in the distance. It took a few seconds for it to figure out that it was coming from overhead.

Looking up, the T. Rex saw what looked like on of the air-patrolling pterodactyls. There was a tiny figure sitting on the pterodactyl's back, its hands wrapped firmly around the pterodactyl's neck, forcing it in the direction of the base. The pterodactyl looked incredibly confused.

"HELL YEEEEAAAAHH!" The figure screamed, as he shot past.


	7. We Don't Love To See The Plan

The last person to go through the Teleporter was the Scout. The others were standing around waiting for him, hidden from the base's security behind a warehouse of some sort. As the stray specs of energy dissipated around him, he stepped off the Teleporter Exit and shook off the odd sensation that came with being disassembled and reassembled at the subatomic level.

"Man, being teleported feels weird. I normally don't use Teleporters because I'm a Scout and also a considerate member of my team," The Scout bragged.

"What do you want, a medal?" The Soldier asked, "Here, you can have mine- no wait, you _can't_ because I earned mine by joining the RED Army three weeks before it even officially started!"

"Must you be such a shameless elitist?" The Spy asked the Soldier, who was now admiring his own medal.

"I agree," The Sniper said, "If the _Spy_ of all people thinks you're an elitist, there's a problem."

"Go to Hell, you piss-throwing bushman!" The Spy yelled.

"What for?" The Scout interjected, "He's just sayin' what we're all thinkin'!"

"Mumph! Mphff Mur Mphruff!" The Pyro agreed.

"You're all a buncha- bloody- dumb- glue- Hell-" The Demoman rambled, before taking another drink.

"How the Hell much have you been _drinking,_ Dummkopf?" The Medic yelled, "Because, you know, I just _love_ running around the battlefield with a bonesaw, harvesting transplantable livers from dead BLUs just to keep you alive!"

"Would you all just SHUT UP?" The Engineer shouted, "What the Hell is wrong with you people?"

"Sorry, we're just a little pissed off, possibly due to be _thrown back in time_ because of you!" The Scout retorted.

"I'm stuck here just as much as you, you little punk," The Engineer reminded him, "Yet for some reason, I can somehow maintain a faint illusion of professionalism. Which is odd, because, in case you've forgotten, less than two minutes ago I was falling to my death and being attacked by a Pterodactyl _at the same time!"_

"Speaking of that, what did you even do with that thing?" The Sniper asked, curiously.

"I knocked it out with my wrench and locked it in this warehouse," The Engineer said casually, as if hitting a prehistoric reptile over the head with a monkey wrench was a completely normal action.

"Anyway," The Engineer continued, "Now that we've all calmed down, we've got to figure out how to get to the machine from here. We've bypassed the outer defenses, but we still have to get through the entire base. Remember, that machine is the source of all the dinosaurs' technology; they're not just gonna leave that lying around."

"I think I've got an idea," The Soldier announced, "We kill a T. Rex and skin it…"

"Soldier, we've been over this." The Medic sighed.

"We could hack into the intercom and tell all the guards to go on coffee break," The Scout offered.

"Excellent," The Spy said, dryly, "We just have to learn to speak Dinosaurian."

"Meh. Seemed like a good idea," The Scout shrugged, "I'm done."

"I have good plan!" The Heavy yelled, excitedly.

"Well, _this _should be good," The Spy groaned.

"We use the air ducts!" The Heavy said, proudly.

"It's highly doubtful that the ventilation system would be big enough to accommodate us," The Engineer pointed out.

"No, no, vents will be big." The Heavy said, with certainty.

"What makes you so sure, mate?" The Sniper asked.

"Because the dinosaurs are big! Need to breathe a lot! The vents need to carry lots of air!"

Everybody looked at the Heavy, then to each other, then back to the Heavy.

"Holy Crap, guys," The Scout said, in utter amazement, "The freakin' Heavy is right!"

"Wait a minute, how do you know that?" The Engineer asked, dumbfounded, "You don't know anything!"

"Heavy is not so stupid as you think I am!" The Heavy declared.

"Did you just switch from third to first person in the same sentence?" The Spy asked, incredulously.

"Let's go!" The Heavy said, lifting up his minigun and walking towards the nearest vent, "Heavy will lead the way, and I will use Sasha to protect Heavy and my friends from enemies of Heavy!"

They all stared in silence for a moment, then started after him, shaking their heads in disbelief.


	8. On The Subject Of Time Travel

The team marched steadily through the dim, metal tunnels of the ventilation system. Hidden from the view of the monstrous, gun-slinging reptiles that ran the base, they made steady progress towards where they hoped that the Engineer's time travel device was located. The Heavy was in the lead, searching the shadows with his eyes; every time they came to a corner, he revved up his minigun, peered around, and made sure the coast was clear before signaling that they could continue.

The Engineer was near the back of the group, scratching his chin thoughtfully. After they had realized the nature of their situation, he had come up with several theories on how the machine had caused them to be sent back in time. Now, having thought carefully on them, discrediting a few, forming arguments for others, he thought he had it figured out.

The Sniper glanced back and noticed his grin. Slowing down slightly, he allowed the Engineer to catch up to him, and then matched his pace.

"What's on your mind, mate?" The Sniper asked.

"H.G. Wells." The Engineer replied.

The Sniper tried to figure out where he had heard the name before.

"_War of the Worlds?"_ He asked, eventually.

"Quite right," The Engineer nodded, "However, I was thinking of another of Wells' Science Fiction classics: _The Time Machine._"

At this, several of the other team-members glanced around, curiously.

"In _The Time Machine_, The unnamed protagonist creates a device which allows him to travel forwards or backwards in time," The Engineer began, "for lack of a better name, he calls this device a Time Machine."

"Doesn't he end up stuck in the future with a bunch of evil monkey-things?" The Scout asked.

"Yes, but that's not the part I'm thinking of," The Engineer clarified, "what I'm thinking of is the part in which the protagonist explains to some friends how the machine works."

The Engineer glanced around to see if he had everybody's attention, then continued.

"The character describes to his friends a theory of his on the nature of time. He suggests that while time is, like height, length or width, a dimension. He declares that, with the appropriate technology, one could move forwards of backwards along the dimension of time just as easily as one moves forwards or backwards down the street."

"The theory was interesting on paper," The Medic agreed, "and seemed plausible in the Victorian age, but you know as well as I that modern scientists have discredited Wells' theory."

"Indeed," The Engineer countered, "Just as scientists centuries ago initially scoffed at the idea that the Earth orbits the Sun, or that the Earth itself is not a perfect sphere. I may be wrong, but I think Wells had the right idea. You see, I was trying to figure out how my machine could have sent us back in time. I thought that it worked by creating some sort of wormhole or portal. However, the machine simply does not contain the kind of technology necessary for that. However, it does contain Teleporter technology…"

"What a minute," The Scout interrupted, "I thought the teleporters _were_ portals, or created them or something."

"In a sense, they are," The Engineer replied, "However, it's a different kind of portal then necessary. The Teleporters work by sort of "pushing" the passenger across dimensions. It turns your body momentarily into energy, and then fires it in the general direction of the exit. The exit then catches the energy, and recreates the subject. See, rather than travel in a straight line through three-dimensional space, it causes the subject to jump forward across space."

"So how does that turn into time travel?" The Medic asked, intrigued.

"If time is a dimension, than, as H.G. Wells put it, it would be the fourth dimension," The Engineer concluded, "If the teleporter malfunctioned and fired the subject through four-dimensional space rather than three-dimensional, the subject may very well find himself in another time, as well as another place."

"That… kinda makes sense," The Scout reasoned, "So can you send us back to our own time?"

"Perhaps," The Engineer said, unsurely, "Without a proper exit, a teleporter has no idea where to send its user. You can decide roughly which direction they'll go in, but how far they'll travel and in what state they'll arrive in is largely random. It's a small miracle that we arrived in the past without finding ourselves stuck within a tree, or put back together inside out. If I send us 65 million years into the future, the slightest degree off from the target could put us thousands of years away from our destination."

"If that happens, mate," The Sniper reassured him, "We'll just travel through time again and again until we get it right."

"I suppose so," The Engineer said, "Still, there is the risk that-"

The Engineer's statement was cut off by something none of them expected: the floor gave way beneath them. They all dropped screaming from the ventilation duct, coming down hard on the floor far below. They struggled to get back to their feet, but were suddenly treated to as chorus of loud clicks- the sound of lots of very large guns being cocked.

They all looked up to see them surrounded by dinosaurs. Each of the giant beasts held enormous weapons which the team recognized as giant versions of their own guns. They were being held at gunpoint by gigantic reptilian versions of themselves.

The Heavy raised his minigun, which looked puny compared to the gigantic minigun whose spinning was generating nearly enough wind to knock them off their feet. The Soldier gripped his rocket launcher tensely, leveling it at the head of the nearest dinosaur, hoping the relatively tiny explosive would be enough to remove the dinosaur's head.

"Think we can fight our way out?" The Scout asked, holding his Force-A-Nature close.

"You Cannot."

Everybody looked at each other, wondering who had spoken. The voice had been loud, and rough, almost like a growl. They turned around and looked to the source: a massive dinosaur which stood behind the guards, smiling. The beast was 20 feet tall, and bore a resemblance to T. Rex, but was clearly not. The Engineer recognized that it was some other form of super-predator, perhaps some other species of Tyrannosaurid. It looked at them not with confusion, as if it had seen something it had never seen before, but a disturbing look of recognition. The Engineer could tell that somehow, this ancient reptile _knew_ what they were. That it was apparently speaking English was cause for quite a bit of confusion as well.

"Guards, escort these intruders to a holding cell, please," The growling, monstrous voice said, "I would prefer them alive."

Before the dinosaurs did what their leader instructed them to do, the bizarre, English-speaking beast leaned in and addressed them personally, with biting malice.

"We will see what we can learn from you." The dinosaur promised, "I am eager to learn more about you "humans", and why you are attempting to destroy my kind."


	9. A Doomed Civilization

"Well, Engi?" The question was asked in a weary, tired voice.

"Well, what?" The Engineer replied to the Soldier.

They were all sitting around in a prison cell, deep within the facility. There was a guard right on the other side of the bars- another of the Heavy Tyrannosaurs. They had been sitting silently for almost an hour.

"English-speaking dinosaurs. How the Hell did that happen?" The Soldier clarified.

"Damn it, guys, I am getting real tired of being Mr. Exposition." The Engineer complained.

"What do you want? You want us to figure this out ourselves?" The Soldier asked, "That dinosaur was _talking. _In _perfect English._ It almost sounded like a British accent!"

"You think the dinosaurs learned to build sentries and teleporters by looking at some pictures? It's obvious they would have to understand the writing in order to recreate our technology."

"You knew this would happen?" The Spy asked, "You knew they would be able to talk?"

"No, of course not," The Engineer assured them, "Understanding the language, I expected; but actually speaking it… that surprised me."

"Changes nothing, lads," The Demoman declared, "Whether they can talk or not, all they did was get us further into their base, and closer to the time machine."

"On the contrary, Demoman," The Medic said, "Perhaps this turn of events offers a possibility: We could pursue a diplomatic solution."

The Scout chuckled, "What are we gonna tell 'em? 'Hey, this is all a misunderstanding. See, you guys are all doomed to extinction and the only reason you're not a bunch of stupid animals right now is because we screwed up and gave you technology from millions of years after you're all going to be dead.'"

"I think it might be much worse than that, son," The Engineer said.

"How could it be worse than that?" Asked the Scout.

"It looks like-"

Before the Engineer could continue, the door into the cell block opened, and another dinosaur, this one a Soldier, stepped in. He spoke to the Tyrannosaur in a growling, Saurian tongue, and then pointed at the humans- The Engineer especially. The Tyrannosaur nodded, turned to the cell, and revved his gun up. The Soldier opened the cell door, and pointed directly at the Engineer, then beckoned.

"Should we make a break for it while the door is open?" The Engineer heard the Scout whisper.

"Not yet. I have a plan," The Soldier whispered back.

The Engineer was lead out of the cell by the dinosaurs. The cell door slammed shut behind him. He was swiftly lead out of the room, headed for God knew where.

/

"Do you speak English?" The Engineer asked the guard walking behind him, as he was driven through the base.

The guard responded by prodding him in the back with its gun, growling. The Engineer grimaced and kept moving. He asked, quite uselessly, where he was being taken. The guard prodded him again and roared more menacingly. The Engineer promptly shut up.

Eventually they came to a large door, big enough for one of the T. Rexes to go through. The guard pointed at the door and growled, and the Engineer stepped through, nervously. He found himself in a rather large room, with one wall covered in TV screens showing different areas of the base, as well as numerous different battles going on between RED and BLU dinosaurs. Silhouetted against the screens was the shape of the massive dinosaur who had spoken to them. The Engineer also noticed several laser dots on his own chest, and discovered that they were coming from a half dozen sentries built into the walls of the room.

"I have security teams controlling the sentries," The dinosaur casually explained, "any questionable movement, and you will be blasted to pieces."

"You… uh… wanted to speak with me personally?" The Engineer asked, deciding to give the Medic's diplomacy idea a shot.

"Dell Conagher."

"What?" The Engineer said, in surprise. Hearing his own name made him jump and take a step forward in surprise. One of the laser points on his chest flew up to his forehead. The Engineer took a step back.

"That is your name, correct?" The dinosaur asked, "You invented The Machine? The source of all our technology?"

"Ya, I did," The Engineer said, "You're welcome."

"Do not make the assumption that I am thanking you. I know that sending it to our time was an accident."

"I suppose you learned English from studying the machine?" The Engineer inquired.

"The Machine has taught us many things- language, organization, weaponry… and our approaching extinction." The dinosaur said, solemnly.

The Engineer was silent for a moment. He'd thought the team's situation had seemed bleak, and here was a creature painfully acknowledging that its entire race was doomed.

"I'm sorry." The Engineer offered.

"Save me your pity, especially considering its emptiness. Why do you want to wipe out my kind?"

"What? I… we don't-"

The dinosaur slammed a giant, reptilian fist down on the desk beside it.

"Do not play games with me! I have seen the future of the world with that Machine! There are no dinosaurs where you come from! In their place, there are only you… "Humans"! Why were we wiped out?" The Dinosaur demanded, enraged.

"You weren't! You were already gone when humans came along!" The Engineer insisted.

"What do you mean we were gone? What happened to us?" The dinosaur asked.

"You… you went extinct. Of natural causes," The Engineer said, apologetically, "Humans had nothing to do with it."

At this, the dinosaur stopped. He was contemplative for a moment.

"How?" it asked, "How does it happen?"

"We think it was caused by a giant meteorite. It hit… or is going to hit this planet some 65 millions years before humans ever evolve," The Engineer explained, "The dust it throws up will block out the Sun, and all the dinosaurs in the world will slowly die. I'm sorry."

The room was silent again. The Engineer was pained to have to explain something like this, but the dinosaur seemed more confused than upset.

"That is simply not possible." The Dinosaur said.

"In my time, it's already happened," The Engineer told him, "It's going to happen again. I'm not sure when, but it will."

The Dinosaur withdrew a small remote and, tapping a few buttons, changed the image being displayed by the screens behind him. The monitors all formed a single image: A missile reminiscent of the one the Engineer knew from Dustbowl.

"Mr. Conagher, 20 years ago, shortly after I became RED's Administrator, a meteorite exactly like the one you describe was found to be on a collision course with Earth," The dinosaur explained, "We used an extra-planetary 100 megaton nuclear missile- like the one you see here- to knock it off course, hurling it into the Sun."

The Engineer's jaw dropped. He shook his head in disbelief.

"It was the closest this civilization ever came to destruction," The Administrator told him, "and we averted it without incident."

"No no no no, this isn't right!" The Engineer said, in horror, "This isn't how history is supposed to go!"

"Moments ago you were expressing your sadness at our extinction. You humans are _quite_ sincere, aren't you?" The Administrator said, sarcastically.

"No, you don't understand. It was only because the dinosaurs were gone that humanity could evolve. If your civilization survives, ours will never exist." The Engineer told him.

"I am sorry to here that, sir. _That_ is sincerity. But I am willing to do whatever it takes to save my people. If that means the loss of some other race… than I that is an unfortunate, but necessary price."

"No, you still don't get it!" The Engineer declared, "If there are no humans, the machine will never be built. It'll never go back in time and you will never receive it. History will go as normal, until I invent the machine again, and all this repeats itself! The endless paradox could destroy the Universe!"

"There is a quite easy solution to that, my friend. We will replicate The Machine and send its duplicate back to when it first arrived. The Machine will only exist as part of an Ontological Paradox, but it will be a stable time loop. It will be as if you humans never existed at all."

"You can't do this! You can't-" The Engineer said, becoming frantic.

The Administrator tapped a button on his desk, and spoke into a small microphone.

"I need an escort to bring the human back to the cell. We will need to keep them there until we find a way to safely erase them from the timeline."

"No! Please, reconsider this!" The Engineer yelled, as he was dragged from the room, "You have to think about the risks to the timeline before you-"

The door slammed and the Engineer's voice was drowned out. The Administrator sighed and turned back to the monitors. Pushing a button on his remote, he switched the view back to standard base observation. He smiled. Finally, the mysterious beings known as humans that The Machine foretold were understood. Finally, the dinosaur race was safe.


	10. Turning the Tables

The Engineer was marched down the hallway back to the cell block, his mind racing with every step. He had to figure out a way to put a stop to all this ridiculousness and he had to do it fast. There was no way his idiotic teammates would be able to do it. He, and he alone, would have to find a way for them to not only escape this time period, and not only erase this time period from history, but do it in a way that wouldn't cause a million paradoxes. It honestly didn't seem possible.

As they neared the cell block, a loud commotion could be heard from within. The sounds of all his teammates yelling echoed into the hall. They weren't shouts of pain or anger, but rather cheering. The Engineer raised an eyebrow, wondering what they could possibly be cheering about.

The giant, reptilian guard leading him along at gunpoint pushed the door open and the Engineer's jaw dropped. The other saurian guard was turned towards the cell, chuckling at the actions of the prisoners within. Everybody in the cell besides the Heavy and Scout were standing around the edge of the cell, cheering the two in the middle on. The Heavy and Scout were locked in a brawl, swinging at each other yelling in rage. The Scout was without his bat, but was holding up fine with his fists, dodging the Heavy's powerful but slow swings and taking quick shots at his sides and gut.

"No no no no! What the Hell are you morons doing?" Cried the Engineer, "Have you lost your damn minds?"

The team heard none of it, everybody too absorbed in the fight to even notice that the Engineer had returned. Even the two guards were now staring at the two brawlers, distracted for a few moments before the guard who'd led the Engineer back remembered he needed to get him back in the cell. He motioned to his comrade, who picked a set of keys off the table which also held the team's weapons. Selecting the correct key, he inserted it into the lock, turned it, and then pulled the door open.

"Now!" declared the Scout, to the surprise of the Engineer.

The Heavy grabbed hold of the Scout's shirt, while the Scout braced himself. With one swift, powerful motion, the Heavy lifted the Scout up, swung him around, building momentum, and then flung him at the guard through the open door. The guard jumped back in surprise and confusion before the Scout slammed into his face. Grabbing onto his scaly skin, the Scout scrambled to the top of the guard's head and started punching it in the eyes.

"Die, you prehistoric bastard!" The Scout cackled, maniacally.

The other guard raised his gun, but hesitated, not sure who to point it at. He settled on the Heavy- a moment too late. The Heavy rammed into the guard's legs as hard as he could, causing it to stumble. Meanwhile, the Pyro, Demoman, and Soldier ran past to the table of weapons. Built at a height meant for dinosaurs rather than people, it was too tall for the weapons to be reached, so they took hold of the legs and overturned it. Everybody rushed forward and took up their weapons, immediately opening fire on the guard who currently didn't have a crazed Bostonian clinging to his head. The guard went down in the hail of gunfire and explosives before he could recover from the Heavy's charge.

The Engineer was staring, completely stunned by it all. It had all happened within the space of ten seconds. The Medic ran by, holding his syringe gun in one hand and tossing the Engineer his shotgun with the other. The Engineer snapped back into action as soon as his gun was in his hands. They all turned to the remaining guard, just in time to see it fall over. The Scout had removed his shoulder bag, wrapped it around the dinosaur's neck, and choked it into unconsciousness with it. As the beast crashed to the ground, the Scout rolled off, hitting the ground rather hard but springing back up immediately. He glanced around for his own gun, which the Soldier tossed to him casually. The Scout caught it, twirled it around by the trigger guard a couple times, then levelled it at the dinosaur's head and blew its brains out.

"Well, that went well," The Scout said, as he wiped dinosaur blood from his eyes, "Let's go."

"Come on, team," The Soldier said as they ran out the door, "if we read that map that the Spy swiped from the guard right, the time machine should be right this way."

As the Engineer followed them out, he took a glance at the room which he had only entered thirty seconds previously.

"This team is awesome." He chuckled, as he took off after them.


	11. The End of an Era

The team charged down the corridor, opening up with their weapons on any dinosaur that attacked them. As they came up to a corner, a Scout-Raptor leapt out firing its scattergun. The Soldier, Pyro, and Heavy let it have it with their shotguns. As they rounded a corner a grenade-launcher wielding dinosaur fired off its coffee can sized explosives. The Sniper shot it through one of its eyes, throwing its aim off while the Soldier shot a rocket at it, blowing off its head. Every one of the base's defenders attacked alone, not acting with any teamwork or coordination. The team moved and fought as a single, communicating unit, and so steamrolled through their opposition.

"So, Hard Hat, I've been meaning to ask," The Scout said, laying down suppressive fire towards a dinosaur around the next corner, while the Pyro slipped ahead to torch it, "When we get to your time machine, what's the plan?"

"I have an idea. I think I know how to erase this civilization from the timeline and restore history properly." The Engineer said, as they stepped over the burning dinosaur corpse and proceeded down the next hall.

"Wiping out a civilization, man," The Scout replied, "I've done some morally questionable shit in my day, but..."

"We don't have a choice," The Engineer insisted, just as they neared the door into the room they believed contained the machine, "This civilization and ours can't co-exist, but if ours doesn't, this one can never be born. If the timeline continues like this, the universe is doomed. It's best to just prevent it from happening at all."

They stopped in front of the doorway and established a perimeter. The Heavy revved his minigun and faced the way they'd came, while the Demo planted sticky bombs in the other direction. The Engineer looked at the door- a 20-foot-tall construction of what looked like some sort of titanium alloy. There was no way they were breaking through this thing.

"Spy, hack into that door panel, would you?" The Soldier ordered.

The Spy nodded and opened the panel. He looked over the circuitry, puffing his cigarette thoughtfully and looking perturbed.

"I suggest you get comfortable if you want me to open this thing," The Spy announced, "The technology appears to be reverse-engineered from a standard security system and then redesigned from that. I have no experience with hacking a system anything like this."

"Fantastic, how do we get in?" The Soldier asked, "Ideas, anybody?"

"It appears that the door has been locked down from another location. Our best bet is to go there and unlock it." The Spy suggested.

"I can guess where it is," The Engineer told them, thinking about the control room he'd been brought to, "Soldier, Spy, come with me, everybody else, defend this position."

The Administrator sat in his office, staring at the screens. The humans were holding out at the door to the Machine, but they could get no further. He had always known that the Machine needed to be behind the best defences. Sometimes, the best defence in the world is just a really good door.

Conagher, along with two of the other humans, had left the door, heading for an unconfirmed location. The Administrator knew they were coming for him. Two Heavies were posted outside his office- two of the biggest, deadliest dinosaurs in the world holding the biggest, deadliest guns. So why was the Administrator worried? Perhaps it wasn't fear that three tiny humans could get past the guards, but more of a wariness towards what was at stake. These creatures were out to not only destroy their civilization, but destroy its very existence.

The Administrator heard the sound of battle outside his office. He stared intently at the closed door, listening to the sound of both giant miniguns blazing. After a few moments, there was only the sound of one of the guns. Then, that stopped too, and two loud _Thud_s could be heard- the sound of two massive bodies hitting the ground.

The Administrator rose to his feet, watching the door. His eye twitched as several seconds ticked by. Suddenly, the door burst open, revealing the Engineer and the Soldier. The two strode in confidently in, and the Administrator's eyes darted to the Sentries built into the walls.

"Oh, don't worry about those," The Engineer quipped, "A friend of mine has already slipped into the control room down the hall. The Engineers holding the Wranglers are dead, and automatic targeting systems have been remotely deactivated."

"Where the Hell are my guards?" The Administrator coldly demanded.

"I got 'em right here," The Soldier said, tossing something to the Administrator.

The Administrator looked at the blood-soaked, leathery pieces of flesh in his hand.

"What the Hell is this?"

"Their skin, sweetheart," The Soldier said, sliding his bowie knife back under his coat.

The Administrator threw it back to him in disgust.

"You two are here to kill me, then?"

"Don't have any hard feelings," The Engineer said, "You'd do the exact same thing in my position. Hell, you were planning to already."

"I have no choice. Neither do you, for that matter. How cruel it is that fate has given two people no other option than to try to destroy each other?"

"We don't have time to for philosophy or moral dilemmas or any other crap like that," The Soldier demanded, "Let's finish this."

"Agreed," Declared the Administrator, drawing a massive handgun from his desk and opening fire.

The Engineer and the Soldier dodged in either direction as the bullet struck the ground. The Administrator brought the gun in the direction of the Engineer and fired again, this time missing by inches. The Soldier fired his rocket launcher, striking the dinosaur in the shoulder. The dinosaur stumbled, clutching his bloody wound and firing at the Soldier. The Soldier fired a rocket at his own feet, blasting himself into the air and out of the way of the bullets. The Administrator was caught by surprise, allowing the Soldier to let off the last couple loaded rockets at the Administrator's face.

While this occurred, the Engineer fired his shotgun over and over into the Administrator's side. The Administrator was driven back by the barrage of rockets and shells, almost falling over. He righted himself while the Engineer and Soldier reloaded their weapons. He hadn't even got his balance back before the Soldier was sending another four rockets in his direction. The Administrator dove behind his desk, as a massive explosion destroyed the wall behind him.

"It's over, Administrator," The Engineer yelled, "unlock the door and we'll let you live. Who knows, maybe your world will keep going on in an alternate reality."

"Would you risk it?" The Administrator called back.

"Good point," Admitted the Engineer, as he and the Soldier closed in.

The Administrator leapt up from behind the desk again, firing his handgun wildly. The Soldier ducked behind the other side of the desk, while the Engineer stood his ground, firing at the Administrator's gun, hoping to hit the trigger finger. Instead, he sent a shot down the barrel, causing the gun to explode. The Administrator roared and gripped his hand, now lacking fingers.

"Soldier, firing a rocket under me," The Engineer ordered, grabbing onto the glove on his right hand.

The Soldier fired and the Engineer jumped. The explosion blasted him into the air towards the Administrator's head. As he neared his target, he ripped the glove from his arm, revealing the cold, mechanical appendage underneath.

"Wha-?" Was all the Administrator could get out before the metal fist slammed into his forehead. The powerful velocity from the rocket drove the Gunslinger through the dinosaur's skull and into his brain. The Administrator's face froze in an expression of blank surprise. Seeing that the Administrator was still standing, the Engineer grabbed the ripcord on his arm, and pulled, turning his robotic fingers into deadly spinning blades inside the Administrator's brain. Blood sprayed from the wound, and leaked from the dinosaur's nostrils. He was dead before he struck the ground.

The Engineer wrenched his arm free from the pile of dead flesh. He was drenched in blood and his arm was covered in little bits of brains. The Soldier stared in amazement.

"Son, I have seen some unbelievable things in my time, but I have never seen a Texan with a robotic chainsaw fist kill a gun-slinging dinosaur by punching it in the head."

"There's a control panel on his desk. That'll open the door." The Engineer said, wiping blood off his goggles.

The Soldier crawled up on the desk and went over to the control panel. There were a series of buttons on it, but the language the labels were written in were incomprehensible.

"Which button do I push?" The Soldier asked in confusion.

"Just keep pushing until you find one that works."

The team reunited several minutes later. The Medic immediately latched his Medibeam onto the Engineer, assuming the blood covering his body to be his. The Engineer told him he was fine, and they turned to the door. The Spy hit the button on the panel, allowing the door to open now that the remote locks were disabled. The door slowly rose and the room behind it was revealed.

The room was filled with screens, massive computer towers, and gigantic cables running along the floor. They all were built around the time machine itself, a small red box no bigger than a level 3 Dispenser. A group of dinosaurs were gathered around it. They were apparently scientists, studying how to reverse-engineer more technology from the device. As the door opened, they saw the team standing there, guns at the ready. They were gunned down as they struggled to draw their pistols.

"Alright, let's see what we can do," The Engineer said, getting to work on the machine.

"You said you had an idea," The Medic said, "What was it, exactly?"

"I'm going to send us back in time with the machine. Like a teleporter, we'll need an exit if we want to land accurately, so we're going to use the machine right when it arrives in the past."

"Wait, what?" The Scout interrupted.

"We're going to use the machine in the present to teleport us to the same machine in the past. That way, we can get to the machine long before any of this happens. Then, we'll teleport back to our own time, taking the machine in the past with us. The dinosaurs will never learn to use the technology and this civilization will never exist."

"But, Engineer," The Medic pointed out, "This civilization has influenced us. We have interacted with it. If it never exists, wouldn't that change events leading up to us erasing it?"

"Possibly, but the timeline will otherwise progress properly. Changes to the timeline, if minor enough, can be excused as random quantum events. As long as we don't make it distinctly impossible for the timeline to unfold linearly, the universe will stay stable."

"Okay, I'm calling your bluff on that," The Scout argued, "How could you possibly know so much about purely theoretical science?"

"Son, I have eleven PHDs. What other scientists call Theoretical Physics I call Physics 101. I used a perpetual energy device to make toast this morning, and then invented time travel by accident. I think I have a pretty good idea of what the Hell I'm talking about."

"..."

"Good talk. Now, let's get going. I just adjusted the machine to the settings we need by smacking it with my wrench."

The jungle was dense, green, and buzzing with life. Moss grew all over the ground, criss-crossed by massive roots. A two foot long dragonfly buzzed threw the air before being snatched up by a low flying pteranodon. Somewhere in the distance, a massive predator roared in victory over the body of its prey. A small, two legged reptile strode across the ground, sniffing around for bugs to eat. Just as it stumbled upon a nest of inch-long ants, there was a sudden flash of light. The creature dashed away as a large, red metal box landed amongst the trees. Its many switches were still stuck in the positions they were put in when the drunken Demoman landed on top of the device- from the machines perspective, just seconds ago.

Not a moment later, the machine whirred and came to life. With another bright flash, nine men appeared around the machine. They looked around and confirmed they were alone, and the Engineer began adjusting the machine.

"We'll have to set this up a little differently. We don't have an exit to teleport to, and even if we did, we can't leave this behind," The Engineer told them, "We'll ride it through a time-space vortex like the first time. Only..."

"Only what?" The Sniper asked.

"The first vortex had a whole bunch of variables that I can't determine. I won't be able to replicate the same anomaly. There might be a few glitches."

"Now, when you say glitches..." The Scout began, before trailing off.

"We might land a few days off course. In fact, each of us might land in a slightly different time. We might also wind up in a random location. Wherever, and whenever you arrive, just head back to Well. Then either wait for the rest of us if you arrived early, or we'll be waiting for you if you're late. Everybody got it?"

Everyone nodded. The Engineer made the final adjustments on the machine and then stood up. Slowly, the machine began powering up to throw them, and itself, through time. As the machine rose into the air, just like the first time, they all took a deep breath.

The world fell away around them as they were swept into the vortex. The swirling colours and lights were dizzying, and the Engineer feared he'd lose consciousness. The Scout was yelling as he spun around in circles. The Demoman was trying to get a drink from his bottle, no small task, as there was no gravity to draw the liquid out. The Pyro was playing air guitar with his axe, evidently enjoying the ride. Suddenly, the Heavy yelled in fright. The Engineer turned around, just in time to see the Heavy fall out of the vortex and vanish. He was followed a few seconds later by the Medic. The Engineer whipped around, watching as his teammates fell out of the time vortex with no way of knowing where or when they would land. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his toolbox freely floating beside him, only for it to spin out of control, flying through the vortex and crashing into the Demoman. The Demoman and the toolbox were both thrown from the vortex too.

One by one, the team disappeared. The Spy was attempting to get away from the edge using a swimming motion, but he vanished just as quickly. The Sniper was reaching for the machine, hoping to hold on and ride it to the proper destination. The Engineer never saw if he succeeded, as he felt himself tumbling away from the machine and out of the vortex.

_Ah Crap,_ he thought as he blacked out.

(AN: So there it is, the end of Act 1. Hope you enjoyed this extra long chapter. I hope it was a decent wrap-up to all this gun-slinging dinosaur civilization nonsense.)


	12. Lost In Time

There was a brilliant flash of light, and the Scout dropped out of the air. Hitting the ground, he rolled and tumbled down the small hillside. After he came to a stop, he got to his feet and brushed himself off.

"Great," The Scout said to himself, "Where did we wind up now?"

He looked around for the team, not seeing any sign of them. He waited for several minutes, and still, nobody else appeared. It didn't take long for the Scout to realize he was alone.

"Aww, crap."

* * *

The Engineer came to, lying on his back amidst a group of trees. Sitting up, he glanced around, trying to find the others. As he had suspected and feared, he was alone. The time machine had scattered them throughout the timeline. The vortex of space-time distortion had been too unstable. There was no way of knowing where he was, not until he found somebody else. He could be a few years too early, or centuries late for all he knew.

The Engineer stood up and stretched. Looking down, he noticed his weapons lying about on the ground. He reached down and picked up his wrench, and put it away while he picked up his shotgun. He checked his ammo count- he had a decent number of shells left- and started to put away the weapon. Suddenly, he heard the loud click of a rifle being cocked.

"Put the gun down, Sir." A voice behind him ordered.

* * *

The first sensation that greeted the Soldier was the smell; A foul stench of sulphur and brimstone. The first thing he saw was blinding light. The sun was beating down hard, and the Soldier had to cover his eyes for a long time before they adjusted. When he could finally see, he looked around curiously. The landscape was a barren red, under a sickly blue-green sky. The only clouds to speak of were pure black smoke, crackling and flashing with electricity.

"Oh, great, I'm in Arizona." The Soldier groaned.

There was a rocky cliff side to his left, about 20 feet high. The Soldier looked at it and scratched his chin. If he could climb up there, he might be able to get a better look around. Without wasting time, he jumped up and grabbed a jutting rock. He pulled himself up and continued, getting about halfway to the top in just a few seconds.

Pausing for a breath, the Soldier was surprised to see what looked like a lizard crawling along past him. Its skin glowed eerily, and changed colour constantly. The strange reptile also had six legs. Passing by on the rock wall, inches from the Soldier's head, the lizard stepped a little too closely to a small crevice in the rock. A massive spider appeared, with legs ending in crab-like pincers, and snatched hold of the lizard. The Soldier watch dumbfounded as one bizarre mutant devoured the other. After the spider finished, it regarded him with eyes on stalks and then retreated back into the crevice.

"Okay, definitely not Arizona," The Soldier said to himself, "maybe Nevada."

He reached the top of the cliff and pulled himself up. As he got to his feet and dusted himself off, he noticed a snake with a head that looked like a lamprey's, slither away from him. Wondering where on Earth he really was, the Soldier looked up into distance. His jaw fell and he dropped to his knees. Before him, overgrown with vines, crumbling to pieces, and obviously abandoned for centuries, was the remnants of a massive city. Few of the tallest buildings remained standing, but among them was none other than the Empire State Building.

"Oh no..." The Soldier moaned.

* * *

"Hello?" The Scout called, as he walked through the valley he'd found himself in, "Is anybody out there?"

His training as a scout had taught him to search for high ground, so he started climbing up the hill he'd rolled down upon arrival. He was almost two thirds of the way to the top when he heard a low rumble in the ground.

"Aww crap, what now?" The Scout asked himself, "Lemme guess, another dinosaur? One with an even bigger gun, or a chainsaw or something? And I'm gonna have to kill it by myself. Fantastic."

But this turned out to not be the case. As the rumbling drew closer it became the more distinct sound of hooves pounding the ground. The Scout readied his shotgun and took aim at the top of the hill, where the sounds seemed to be coming from. As he tensely gripped the trigger, a troop of a half dozen men on horses, fully clad in suits of iron armour, came rushing over the hill. Surprised, the Scout pulled the trigger. The shot went wild and flew over the heads of the approaching knights. The recoil knocked the Scout off his feet and he tumbled back down the hill. Coming to a halt at the bottom, the scout shielded his head as the horses came to a stop mere feet from him.

Rolling over on his back, the Scout looked up at the knights bearing down on him. The one who had the most decorated armour got off his mount and stepped forward, standing over the Scout and staring in bemusement.

"I am Sir Percival Mann. I hear by declare you a prisoner of the British Empire."

"aww crap."


	13. Consequences Of Interference

The Engineer dropped his shotgun and turned around slowly. There were three men holding him at gunpoint. The man who had spoken, and was clearly in charge, was wearing a tattered uniform adorned with a few medals. He looked about 40 and sported a moustache. The other two were younger boys, no older than the scout, wearing similarly ragged uniforms. The guns they were holding looked to be black powder rifles.

"Sir, may I ask what you're doing in our territory?" The moustachioed man asked, politely but suspiciously.

"That's a bit hard to explain, sir. Can you tell me where I am?" The Engineer asked.

As soon as he spoke, one of the young soldiers tensed up, recognizing the Engineer's accent.

"He's Texan, captain!" The kid said, "Must be a Confederate spy!"

"Boy, I am many things," The Engineer replied, "But I am not, nor will I ever be, a spy."

"Sir, I am inclined to agree with my soldier," The captain said, "I am placing you under military arrest under suspicion of being a Confederate agent."

"Alright, I surrender," The Engineer said, "But just to clarify, is this the American Civil War?"

"Haven't heard it called that," Said one of the soldiers- the one who hadn't recognized his accent, "but there's a civil war going on alright. It's not exactly hard to notice."

"I'm... not exactly from around here," The Engineer explained, "But you said I'm in Union territory? That's good news."

"Not as much as you'd think," The boy replied, "Confederate territory is just a couple miles south. How can you not know this?"

"That means we're... where?" The Engineer asked.

"Son of a bitch doesn't even know what state he's in!" The other soldier chuckled, "Captain, this guy is either lying or he's an idiot."

"Indeed," The Captain said, and turned to the Engineer, "If we must humour you, you're in the great state of Nebraska."

"...what?" The Engineer asked, "but... but that's impossible. You said Confederate territory was just a couple miles away!"

"It is! We've been doing our best to hold these lands, but the bastards are relentless."

"This makes no sense!" The Engineer said, mostly to himself, "The Confederates never made it to Nebraska! They never even took Kansas!"

"Sir, you're clearly mistaken," The captain said, sympathetically, "They took Kansas way back in 1864."

"...what do you mean... way back?" The Engineer asked, "What year is this?"

"It's 1869, sir."

"oh no..." The Engineer groaned.

The cloth sack was pulled from the Scout's head and he squinted in the bright light. His wrists were sore from the ropes binding them. Letting his eyes adjust, he found himself in the courtyard of some massive castle. Peasants surrounded him, staring in curiousity.

"uh... what's up, folks?" The Scout said.

"Citizens of Fort Tavish!" Sir Percival Mann declared, "Behold! This man was found wandering in the wilds outside our walls!"

"If you'll let me explain," The Scout said, for the umpteenth time, "I was only there because I got teleported through time from the ancient past, after being teleported _there_ from the distant future! What about that is so hard to understand?"

"This man is a traitor!" Mann continued, "He has sided with the Metal Demons! If not, he would not survive an hour in their lands!"

"I wasn't out there ten minutes before you- wait, Metal what?"

"The Metal Demons continue to seek new ways to destroy us!" Mann bellowed, "Look! Now they align themselves with traitors! No doubt to act as spies and assassins! This fool does not realize he is merely an expendable pawn of his dark masters!"

The crowd gasped, murmured, and cheered as Mann spoke. Some were already calling for the Scout to be executed.

"Look, there's been some mistake!" The Scout insisted, "What the Hell is a Metal Demon?"

"He feigns ignorance!" Mann laughed to the crowd, "All know the threat of the Metal Demons!"

The crowd shouted in agreement.

"Of course... if he doesn't know..." Mann began, sinisterly, "Perhaps he should be introduced?"

The crowd cheered, and began chanting, "Into the pit! Into the pit!"

"The pit? I really don't like the pit. What the pit?" The Scout asked nervously.

The knight grabbed him by the back of his shirt and dragged him through the crowd. He was heckled, spit on, and hit by the angry villagers. He came to a massive circular hole in the ground, covered by a giant iron grate. The bars of the grate were covered in claw marks, as if something had been trying to get through from below. To the Scout's horror, a few guard began opening the grate, just enough for the Scout to get through.

"Prepare to meet your masters, servant of evil!" Mann declared, "May God have mercy on you, for the thing in that pit will not."

And with that, the Scout was thrown down into the darkness.


	14. The Old World Is Gone

(AN: I added a slight retcon to a previous chapter. Minor detail, see if you can find it. It'll be important later.)

The Soldier wandered the streets of the ruined city. Everything he saw was in a state of disrepair and decay. Broken down cars, their colours unrecognizable due to coatings of rust, littered the street. The sidewalks were broken, and cracked, and plants were growing from the cracks. Most of it looked like grass, others were some sort of weed. A few seemed to be moving, twisting around like tentacles, grabbing at bugs. Every living thing in this place seemed twisted and horrible.

The buildings were ruined and looked on the verge of collapse. Some were decaying due to age, some were clearly levelled by some other means. Something horrible happened here, and whatever it was, the Soldier's gut told him that it had happened everywhere else in the world, too. And if that was true, the Soldier realized, he just might be the last human on Earth.

Glancing to his side, he noticed a small, stout creature that looked like a mix of a dog and a pig. It was chewing on a patch of the weird, squirming plants.

"You know what happened here?" The Soldier asked it, chuckling.

"Oy." The strange creature replied, then wandered off.

The Soldier looked around, wondering what to do. Continuing down the street, he noticed what looked like writing on a wall nearby. It was covered in dirt and dust, but as the Soldier wiped it off, it became legible. Reading the mysterious graffiti, the Soldier felt a chill. A sense came over him, an unmistakable feeling of being watched. He looked around, and listened for the slightest sound. Deciding it must have been one of the strange mutant animals, the Soldier turned back to the sinister warning written on the wall. He began to ponder who or what destroyed the city.

_They are still here!_ the writing said.

The Engineer sat in the dark, foul-smelling prison cell. He'd been taken to the Union fort by the soldiers, and locked up under suspicion of being a spy. The Engineer was lying back on the hard wooden cot, trying to work out where the timeline went wrong.

"So, you say you're from the future?" The guard, who happened to be one of the young soldiers who found him, asked him.

"Yeah, _a_ future," The Engineer continued to explain, "I doubt that that future will ever happen, though. We've altered events too much."

"How can the future not happen?" The kid asked.

"Well, the way I got time travel figured out is that there can only be one timeline. If a person changes the past, but in a way that doesn't make it impossible for him to have changed the timeline in the first place, the timeline balances out. A stable time loop." The Engineer described, knowing the boy probably wouldn't understand.

"So, a person can move back and forth through history, and alter events?"

"Yes, as long as the new series of events doesn't prevent the changed version of the time traveller from going back and changing things." The Engineer reiterated.

"And is that what you have done?"

"Maybe, maybe not; I, or my team members, have altered the flow of history, changing events that define our present. This war you're in, it should have end years ago. You should have won already. It's my fault."

"Are you sure it's your fault alone?" The kid offered, "You say you travelled with your team, and they were scattered throughout history. Was it one of them who altered these events?"

The Engineer mulled this over. He had told the team about the importance of protecting the timeline. Hell, they'd seen him erase an entire civilization to protect it. Would they get the point? What would they end up doing if they didn't?

The sound of an explosion suddenly filled the air, and the ground shook. The sounds of muskets being fired filled the air. The soldier jumped up and readied his rifle.

"We're under attack!" The boy yelled, as he ran to the window and looked out, "my God, the Confederates have found us!"

"Let me out of here!" The Engineer yelled, "I'm on your side! Give me a wrench, give me metal, and I can help!"

"I'd like to see you try," The kid yelled, firing a musket out the window, then ducking out of sight, "The Confederates brought their heavy artillery!"

"What, like, cannons? Gatling guns?" The Engineer asked

"Worse!" The kid said, struggling to load another musket.

"What could be worse than-?"

The Engineer was cut off as a barrage of bullets ripped through the wall, then right into the kid. Splinters of wood from the wall, and sprays of blood from the young soldier flew through the air. The Engineer dove to the floor and covered his head. A heavy thudding sound filled the air- it sounded like massive footsteps. An explosion reduced the wall- the same one the soldier had been shot through- to rubble. The Engineer stood up to see what was outside.

A massive machine, at least 8 or 9 feet tall, stepped in through the hole. It was made of metal, mostly bronze and copper, and was covered in pipes, hoses, and other machinery. A vent on its back spewed out steam. On its left forearm was the cannon that blew a hole in the wall. On its right, a giant, steam-powered Gatling gun. It was decorated with the Confederate flag. The pilot was visible through a glass visor, manipulating levers, switches, and all manner of other controls. He looked at the Engineer and raised his cannon. The Engineer stared blankly.

"What." Was all he could manage to say.

The Scout hit the cold stone floor of the pit. Coughing, he stood up and looked up at the medieval villagers. They were quickly sealing up the grate.

"You guys are kind of dicks, you know that?" The Scout called up to them.

A sound drew his attention to one of the dark shadows in the pit. The room was much larger than it's opening, which shone a circular spot of light into just a small portion. Something was moving about where he couldn't see. The Scout looked around for a weapon. He didn't have his shotgun, his pistol, or his bat. Hell, he'd take that stupid fish if he could get it. The Scout readied a fist and rubbed his knuckles.

"I don't know exactly what a "Metal Demon" is," The Scout said to the darkness, "But if you turn out to just be a guy in some scary looking armour, I'm going to be really disappointed."

The only reply came in the form of a human ribcage and skull being tossed out at the Scout. When it hit the ground at his feet, he noticed there were still a few scraps of meat on it.

"Right... I'm gonna stop taunting now." The Scout decided.

The Metal Demon suddenly came bursting out into the light. It was a 10 foot tall behemoth made of steel. The design looked similar to the Engineer's buildings, but in a massive humanoid shape. Its arms were huge, and giant swords were extending from the forearms. Its eyes were two glowing red lights. It certainly looked demonic. It was leaping through the air right at the Scout, letting out a terrifying mechanical sounding roar.

The Scout dodged as the monster's swords broke the stone floor where he'd been standing. The creature recovered its balance in less than a second and swung at him. The Scout ducked under one blade and jumped over the other. The Metal Demon stabbed at him, but only sliced the air. The Scout began strafing.

"I'm runnin' circles around ya!" The Scout jeered, as he searched for a weakpoint. He saw what could be a sensitive piece of the machine, and punched it. It turned out to be much harder than it looked.

"Ow! Ow! You bastard, my knuckles are bleeding!" The Scout yelled.

The Metal Demon swung around and kicked him in the gut. The Scout went flying through the air and smashed hard into the wall. He crawled to his feet as the monster charged. He ducked again, and the massive blades stabbed right into the stone. The beast tried to pry itself free but was momentarily stuck. The Scout slipped out of range of its legs.

"Ha! Way to go, Tin Man," The Scout said, not noticing the Metal Demon was getting loose, "Maybe next time, you-"

The Metal Demon broke free, sending a few chunks of rock flying, and grabbed at the Scout. Jumping away, the Scout just about escaped, but was caught by the leg. The robot smacked him into the ground and then tossed him across the room. The Scout landed on the ground and managed to steady himself. He turned back the Metal Demon and the two stared at each other. The Scout panted, his body sore; The Metal Demon scraped its swords together, its red eyes burning bright with rage.

"Give me a weapon!" The Scout yelled up through the grate to the people watching the fight, "I can fight this thing if I have a weapon!"

"It's not fighting you, boy," Somebody called down, "It's toying with you."

The Metal Demon charged forward, and the Scout charged at him. As the beast swung, the Scout did a quick roll under its arm. Coming up to a crouching position, the Scout eyed one of the chunks of rock lying on the ground.

"We'll see about that," The Scout said, picking up the rock.

The Metal Demon ran up to the Scout, and the Scout took off away from it. He ran straight at the wall, lugging the stone, and the monster pursued him. As he reached the wall, he leapt through the air. Propelling himself off the wall, he went flying over the monster's head. He came down on the machine's back and put all his momentum into bashing the beast with the rock. Falling to the ground, the stone broken in half, the Scout saw a piece of metal fall off the Demon- A metal piston, about 2 feet in length.

"Yeah, that'll work," The Scout said, grabbing his new, improvised bat.

The Metal Demon swung at him again, but there was less control in the swing. His left arm was flailing about almost uselessly. The Scout looked at the piston in his hand and grinned.

"Looks like this is kind of important, huh?" The Scout taunted.

The Metal Demon stabbed at him again, but this time, the Scout was on the attack. He dodged and smashed the robot in the face with the piston. The beast's eyes were damaged, and it stepped back, disoriented. The Scout bashed it repeatedly in the chest, legs, and arms, hitting any exposed machinery or joints. Sparks were flying, even from places that hadn't been hit. The beast was clearly damaged, and was on its hands and knees in front of the Scout.

"Now, you're not one of those robots stupid enough to keep his CPU in his head, are ya?" The Scout asked, raising his weapon over his head.

He brought down the piston, and broke open the steel case of the Metal Demon's head. Inside, the green and black motherboard was visible.

"You are that stupid!" The Scout said, "Lucky me!"

He raised his leg up and brought his foot down on the mother board. It shattered under his foot and the Metal Demon dropped dead. The Scout looked over the pile of dead, smoking robot remains, and then turned up to the grate.

"I broke your stupid crap, morons." The Scout said.


	15. Reunion

The villagers pulled the Scout up from the pit. Sir Percival stood back, staring in disapproval. The Scout had clearly demonstrated that he was not in league with the Metal Demons, but there was something about this strange newcomer that Percival didn't trust. Especially worrying was the stare that the Scout kept giving him. The Scout had clearly earned the trust of the others, though they looked at him with fear and awe so great, you'd think he'd just punched out the devil himself.

"Where are my weapons?" The Scout demanded, as soon as he was on his feet.

"They are here," Said one of the villagers, presenting the Scout's satchel, "We've never seen weapons like this. We don't even know how they work."

The Scout casually pulled his shotgun from the bag.

"Let me show you." He said, aiming at Percival.

The Scout fired, hitting the knight in the chest. The shot dented in the heavy metal breastplate, but did not pierce it. Percival was thrown back, and fell to the ground. The townsfolk panicked at the thunderous noise, and struggled to put distance between themselves and the Scout.

"That's for trying to kill me, you son of a bitch," The Scout said to Percival, before turning to address the others, "Alright you primitive dumbasses, listen up! See this? This… is my Force-A-Nature! …The 12-Guage double-barreled shotgun. Mann Co.'s top of the line. You can order this from their catalogue. That's right; this baby was manufactured in Portugal. You can earn it after about 12 achievements. She's got a Maple wood stock, cold grey steel… and a hair trigger."

"Now I swear," The Scout said as he strode towards Percival, "The next one of you bastards to even touch me…"

The Scout aimed the Force-A-Nature right at Percival's exposed face. At point blank range, the shot would reduce his head to a pool of red goo. The knight stared down the barrels in horror as the Scout pulled back the hammer.

"Stop!" Came a booming voice from the castle.

The Scout looked up, raising an eyebrow.

"Please, stop this violence!" Said the man standing on the steps. He was dressed in robes and wore a crown.

"Listen, King Arthur, your knight here tried to kill me," The Scout shouted, still holding his shotgun to Sir Percival's face, "The rest of these guys were eager to help, too."

The king stepped forward, "I will reprimand him for overstepping his authority, but do not kill him." There was something about the king that the Scout recognized- something about his voice.

The Scout shrugged, spun the shotgun around on his finger, and slid it back into his bag, now back on his shoulder. The king was approaching, and the Scout recognized him. He had gained multiple scars to accompany his eye patch, and his face was wrinkled with age, but he was unmistakable.

"The locals have developed a bit of paranoia when it comes to outsiders," The Black Scottish Cyclops said, "But they'll warm up to ya. Give it _20 years._"

"Demo!" The Scout said, as the two clasped hands, in an arm-wrestling position.

"I go by King Tavish, now." The Demo said, "It's good to see you again, old friend."

The Engineer stared down the massive cannon aimed at his face. He had only one chance to get out of this with his head still attached to his body.

"Don't shoot!" He shouted, waving his hands, "I'm on your side! Listen to my voice! I'm a Texan!"

The Confederate in the impossible steampunk mecha stared suspiciously.

"Look, I'm a Texan, and I'm locked in cell in a Union camp," The Engineer pointed out, "You gonna blow the head off a prisoner of war?"

The Confederate pondered this. He shrugged and adjusted his aim. He fired the cannon, blowing the lock clean off the cell door. The Engineer breathed a sigh of relief and pushed the door open, then headed straight for the table his guns were laying on.

"You best leave, partner," The Confederate warned, "This here's a warzone."

"Yeah, I don't think so." The Engineer replied, picking up his weapons.

Turning around, he fired a shot from his pistol right into the mechanisms of the mech's right shoulder. The entire right side of the machine locked up. Another shot, just below the cockpit caused the entrance hatch to pop open. The soldier fell to the ground at the Engineer's feet.

"What in God's name are you doing?" The soldier asked.

"Confederates," The Engineer said, shaking his head in shame, "Insult to Texas."

He blew off the soldier's head with the shotgun, and left the room. He strode out of the building and looked around the camp. A massive hole in the wall was letting in Confederate soldiers and mechs. The Engineer took careful aimed and opened fire with his pistol, cutting down the soldiers. He'd taken down five of them by the time they could react. One of the mechs coming through the wall opened fire with its Gatling gun. The weapon was fearsome, but inaccurate. From a range of over 50 feet, nothing hit the Engy. The Engineer responded with a shotgun blast to one of the massive steam tanks on the mech's back. Steam sprayed out into the air, and the machine, devoid of power, fell to the ground, crushing a couple soldiers and cutting off the entrance.

There was a thunderous boom of a cannon shot, and the Engineer felt a breeze as the cannonball flew past his head. Turning to his left, he saw another mech approaching him. It was more armoured then the first, with less exposed machinery. The Engineer charged at it, trying to put a few bullets in its joints. The mech brought about its Gatling gun, and the Engineer dove beneath it. Reaching up, the Engineer caught a piston with his wrench, and ripped it loose. The mech's cannon was empty and now its gun was useless. The Engineer leapt at it, crawling up the front until he was staring at the pilot through the little glass visor. Putting his pistol the glass, the Engineer fired repeatedly, shattering the visor and killing the pilot. He dropped to the ground and strode away, as the mech collapsed behind him.

The Union soldiers were standing in front of him, staring in utter amazement. Leading the group was the very soldier who'd captured the Engineer upon his arrival.

"Alright… so you're not a spy," Was all he could manage to say.

Before the Engineer could respond, a fourth mech appeared from behind a building. This one had a Gatling gun on each arm, spinning as they took aim at the soldiers. The Engineer whipped out his pistol, quickly analyzed the mechanics of the mech, and then put two shots in precise locations on either steam tank. The heated steam shot out and billowed into the machine's cockpit. The pilot screamed as his skin was horribly burned. The soldiers turned around and bombarded the machine with muskets, killing the pilot.

"Right." The Engineer said, putting his gun away, "Now, let's talk about where the Hell the Confederates got that kind of technology."


	16. Explanations

With a flash, the Medic became aware of cold wind and a sense of weightlessness. Before he could get a look around him, he was tumbling through the air. Fighting to right himself, he realized the massive white shapes around him were actually clouds. He managed to assume a sky-diving position, just as he broke through the bottom layer of cloud and the ground came into view, two miles below him.

"Oh, Verdammt!" The Medic shouted

His mind raced and his eyes darted around as he struggled to think of a plan. There had to be a way out of this. How had this even happened? He vaguely remembered the Engineer talking about the risks of teleporting without an exit- you could wind up inside out, or inside a solid object or, apparently, high enough in the sky to be reduced to a bloody splatter when you reached the ground.

"C'mon, _think,_ damn it! Find a way out of this!"

Pulling out his Medigun, the Medic checked the Uber-meter. Just over 25% filled. There was no way to fill it up by himself, though, unless he improvised. The Medic reached into his labcoat and looked for the familiar feeling of the massive steel medical instrument he'd designed for combat. His Ubersaw wasn't in it's usual place. Looking around, the Medic saw it tumbling through the air a few feet away. Tilting towards it, he managed to close the distance and snatch it up. Taking it in his right hand, he used his teeth to pull the glove from his left. He stuffed it into his pocket and held his hand out in front of him.

"Alright, I can do this. Three hits."

With a quick glance at the rapidly approaching earth, he plunged the Ubersaw into his palm. He screamed in pain and wrenched it loose, blood hanging in the air in freefall like some sort of horrid mist. Checking the massive syringe, The Medic confirmed it had filled to 50%. Two more to go. With another thrust, he stabbed the blade into his wrist. He screamed and lost control of his fall, tumbling through the air like a ragdoll again. Fighting the urge to pass out, he steadied himself in a diving position, rocketing towards the surface that was now mere seconds away. Desperately, he stabbed at his own arm again, missing once before thrusting the blade into the first open wound again. Screaming in agony, he pulled the blade loose, confirmed the syringe was full and let go of the saw. There was no time to even put it back in his coat. He reached in and grabbed his Medigun again. As the ground raced up to meet him, he hit the button and activated the charge.

Less than a second before impact, the Medic's body exploded with red light. He'd instantly lost any vulnerability- to blunt impact, to deceleration, even to internal organ damage. He slammed into the hard dirt, smashing a small crater into it. A cloud of dust and debris flew up around him, concealing and burying him. Everything was quiet for a moment. Then the dirt flew up again as he struggled quickly into a sitting position. Shaking off dirt, he got to his feet. The glowing ubercharge ran out, and the last bits of dust fell from his body. He casually removed some gauze from his coat and wrapped up his maimed hand, before pulling his glove back on.

"Right," The Medic said, "Now, let's find out where I am."

The Soldier sat by the campfire he'd made for himself in what seemed to be the ruins of Times Square. Twisted, bizarre vegetation snaked it's way across the surface of buildings, and more mutated creatures scurried between them. The Soldier had yet to find any of these post-apocalyptic lifeforms to be hostile, but he still jumped at the slightest noise. Whatever the cryptic message on the wall had refered to had wiped out humanity, and one man with a rocket launcher would be easy pickings.

He had been here for six hours, and the sky had grown dark for a brief period. But as soon as the sun disappeared over the horizon, the sky was filled with colour. The Soldier didn't know how far south the Northern Lights could shine, but he was pretty damn sure New York was much further south than that. He pondered just what kind of insane catastrophe could have messed Earth up so badly. Had "_They_" been a by-product of nuclear fallout? A race of mutants who replaced humans as the dominant species? Or had "_They_" caused the disaster? If so, where did they come from? Space? Another Dimension?

The Soldier started wondering what he would do for food, and considered the possibility of the mutant animals being safe to eat. Cooking the meat would kill any weird future germs, but would it get rid of radiation? The Soldier didn't think so, but he wasn't a nuclear physicist. He eventually decided to try his luck and picked up his shotgun. He debated with himself over which hideous monster would be least disgusting to eat. He figured he'd kill the first one that looked kind of like a mammal and then see what the meat looked like. At that moment, he heard a strange humming sound.

Looking up, the Soldier tried to place the sound between the buildings. He couldn't tell which direction it was coming from, but it was definitely in the air. His military instincts told him to get out of the open and make sure to get a good look at it before letting it see him. He grabbed his weapons and ducked into the ruins of a store. He ducked down and held still just as the sound reached the Square.

Hovering into sight, the sound was revealed to be coming from some sort of machine. It looked like some sort of robotic squid, about the size of a small car, which flew through some unknown means of propulsion. It's searchlights, the only thing visible on it's cold, gray, geometrically shaped head, scanned the ancient, broken asphalt until it locked onto the Soldier's campfire. As it moved in closer, the Soldier could see that each of it's tentacles ended with a different instrument of inexplicable purpose. At least half of them looked like weapons. The machine spent several seconds apparently scanning the fire, then extinguished it with a quick blast of Liquid Nitrogen.

**"Small fire discovered at coordinates 19372-63028." **The Machine said in a deep, mechanical voice,** "Origin unknown. Potentially Artificial. Likelihood of Human presence: Possible. Thorough search required."**

_Oh shit,_ The Soldier thought to himself, _I am in real trouble here._

The Demoman strode confidently through the halls of the castle, as knights and nobles alike saluted him. The Scout followed, looking at the art scheme. Portraits of the Demoman, paintings of him, murals, etc. There were depictions of him in and battle as well as in some sort of court. He was never shown fighting humans, but instead more of those robots. One mural, which the Scout realized must have been somewhat hyperbolic, showed the Demoman standing atop a pile of twisted, broken, metal corpses, striking down yet more of the machines as they climbed the pile to reach him.

Eventually, they reached what the Demoman told the Scout was his private chambers. A massive room that was as much an office as it was a bedroom. The art in here was much more modest, with the only image of the Demoman being a simple, somber portrait. The Demoman grabbed a chair and sat down, then motioned to a seat near it for the Scout. The Scout sat down and rested his arm on the table.

"Well, old friend," The Demoman said, "I'm sure you have a lot of questions."

"Ya, the first one's kinda obvious," The Scout replied, "How does a Scottish guy manage to rule an entire castle in Medival _England_ of all places?"

The Demoman chuckled, "Heh, ya, I know. I used my knowledge of history by going into politics and settling tensions between Scotland and England diplomatically. The two are inseperable allies now. It doesn't hurt that they have a common enemy."

"So much for perserving the natural course of history," The Scout said.

"Yes, well, it appears our exploits have already changed the timeline." The Demoman said, "The team was apparently scattered through time, Each of us most likely doing irrepairable damage to history."

"How do you know that?" The Scout argued

"Well, let's just say, if you stop by the church, you might recognize the mask worn by the Patron Saint of Fire."

"Seriously?" The Scout asked, with a grin.

"Yup," The Demoman nodded.

They both laughed a little. It was a nervous laugh, indicating that both knew how dire the chances of ever getting home again were.

"Next question:" The Scout said, "Why does everybody keep calling you Tavish?"

"...'Cause that's my name."

"Wait, really? I thought you-"

"You thought The Demoman was my actual name."

"...I guess I never really thought about it."

The Demoman sat back, and sighed, "It's good to have you here, Scout. It's been a long time without you all. Now, I'm sure your deliberately, for comedic purposes I assume, avoiding asking about the Metal Demons?"

"I haven't seen any demons," The Scout replied, "I saw a bunch of robots, though. And yes, I did find that a bit unusual. Why are there robots? Are they from the future or something?"

"I'm afraid not," The Demoman replied, gravely, "I'm afraid their origin is in my own hands. I'm the reason they're here."

"You- But- How does that even begin to make sense?" The Scout asked.

"When I arrived here 20 years ago, I discovered that the Engineer's toolbox had arrived with me," The Demoman explained, "I was lost, confused, desperate, and drunk. I got an idea. I knew that the Engineer's buildings basically constructed themselves, and I knew the plans for the Time Machine were in there somewhere..."

"Oh no, you didn't-?"

"I never said it was a good plan- I had just finished the last of my scrumpy bottle. I thought I could find the plans for the Time Machine, build a new one, and head home. Maybe even search the timeline for the rest of you somehow and bring you back with me."

"So you tried to make a Time Machine and accidentally built a robot army?"

"I selected the wrong blueprints. There are things in that toolbox you wouldn't believe. Blueprints and sketches for things even the Engineer isn't crazy enough to actually build. What I accidentally triggered the construction of was simply titled "Barracks". I quickly discovered that it was a self-constructing, self-repairing robot factory. About the size of a tool shed, it spit out one of those deadly machines every few seconds. They initially ignored me, until I realized that I had to stop it. When I tried to turn the machine off, they interpreted me as a threat, and attacked. I barely got out with my life."

"And that's where they're all coming from? How many are there?" The Scout asked.

"Thousands. When they labelled me a threat, they also labelled the entire human race. They've been at war with us ever since. I've done my best to fight them, I've lead campaigns and armies against them, but the most we've managed is to keep them at bay. And line we've drawn is in danger of being crossed. And I'm responsible for all of it."

"It can't be that hard to stop them,though. Just one little factory the size of a tool shed? Hell, we took out a dinosaur civilization. What's the problem?"

The Demoman sighed, then stood up, "Come on. We'll head to the stables and get a couple horses. There's something you should see."


	17. Preparations

The Demoman dismounted his horse, swinging a leg around and dropping gracefully to the ground. The Scout, who'd never ridden a horse in his life, failed to swing his leg completely over, and ended up almost falling backwards off of it. He fell to the ground and landed on one foot, his other foot caught in the stirrup. He bounced on one leg until his foot came free, then casually walked it off as if he'd had no trouble at all.

"Not the worst dismount I've ever seen," The Demoman noted, "But definitely in the top 5."

"Ya, well," The Scout shrugged, "As soon as we get back to your little castle, I'm teaching the blacksmiths how to create an internal combustion engine."

"I'll bet. Keep your voice down, they're close by."

They had ridden several miles away from the castle, just the two of them. The Scout was a bit uncomfortable riding through the countryside in the darkness, especially without his guns. The only weapon he was allowed to take was a spiked club from the armoury, which he'd picked for its resemblance to his Boston Basher.

"Man, this is bull crap, Demo," The Scout complained, "Why can't I have my guns? I like my guns."

"If the machines get a hold of any piece of technology, they analyze it and add it to their arsenal. Arming them all with guns would be a very bad idea. Listen, the fortress is right over this hill. If we're spotted, we run. We don't fight, we run. Understand?"

"What? You? Shying away from a fight?" The Scout asked, incredulously, "What happened to you, man? Remember that time you took out that sniper by sticky jumping across the entire battlefield and smacking him in the face with your Ullapool Caber? The Medic spent the whole weekend piecing your limbs back together, and you spent the whole time laughing about pulling off such an awesome kill. Why do these things scare you so bad?"

"They don't," The Demoman said, firmly, "That's exactly why I can't risk dying to them. You and I are the only ones in the world who understand what these things really are. Everybody else truly believes they're demons. My leadership, in and out of battle, is the only thing that keeps them from fleeing in terror. I cannot die until the Metal Demons are destroyed."

The Scout mulled this over, and nodded. They climbed the hill in silence, crouching down as they reached the top. As the view from the top of the hill opened up before him, The Scout's jaw fell. The "fortress" could only be described as a massive factory. Massive machines pumped, rotated, and churned out more robots. A half dozen smokestacks belched out black smoke. The entire area was patrolled by robots armed to the teeth with blades. The Scout counted at least a hundred in view. The entire complex was bigger than any building the Scout had ever seen.

"Oh my God," The Scout breathed, "All this came from one little device?"

"It grows on its own, and the Metal Demons add to it. This is their main fortress. There are others like it, only slightly smaller, in three different known locations."

"Where in the Hell do they get all the metal for this?" The Scout asked.

"Salvaging. They ransack towns, barracks, anywhere they can get supplies. Entire cities get wiped off the map. They never leave survivors," The Demoman said, hanging his head, "Nobody knows how many they've killed, but its thought to be in the hundreds of thousands, or even millions. _This_ is what I've unleashed, kid. All of this is my doing."

"Well why don't we get all the armies in Europe together and crush these things?" The Scout said, "Uber Heavies never scared us, Sentries only ever slowed us down, a freakin' army of dinosaurs with guns-"

"We've been trying!" The Demoman told him, "We've fought them as hard as we can, and by the grace of God, we've hurt 'em. But it's never enough. We wipe out whole battalions of war machines, they spit out a new one overnight. We've destroyed entire factories, and they simply build them again, on the ashes of the old. It's a brutal, bloody stalemate. Hundreds of soldiers march to their deaths, and nothing is ever accomplished."

"That was before." The Scout said, "It's different now. You have a secret weapon- an ace in the hole."

"And what's that, kid?"

"Me."

The Demoman sighed, and looked over the massive metal fortress. He looked back at the Scout.

"Our next assault is in one week's time. I suggest you prepare yourself."

The Engineer leaned over the pile of papers and books on the tabletop. History books, newspapers, and any other record of history. He'd spent three days, alternating between studying the new timeline, and designing weapons for the Union. After seeing the extent of the damage that his machine had done to the timeline, he knew there was no way fix things without another massive rewrite of history. All that mattered was getting to the machine.

"Abraham Lincoln is still alive?" He asked, looking up from a newspaper.

"Yes, of course," Replied Captain Bowers, the man who'd arrested him when he first arrived, "Is he dead where you come from?"

"In my timeline, he was assassinated in 1865," The Engineer explained, "But over here, the assassination attempt happened, but failed?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes," Bowers nodded, "John Wilkes Booth shot Abraham Lincoln through the spine. Lincoln would have died, but was saved through miraculous technology developed by all the greatest scientists in the world."

"A life support machine," The Engineer said, reading through paper, "The government brought in engineers, inventors, scientists, all in an effort to develop a machine to save him?"

"Lincoln was against it, of course," Bowers continued, "It was the greatest collaboration of scientific minds in history. He feared that we would develop technology faster than we were able to control it."

"It appears he may have been correct," The Engineer noted, skimming through a book on the subject of the scientific conference, "By my count, this one event advanced steam technology 50 to 75 years ahead of schedule. Not just medical technology either, locomotion, weapon systems, more efficient steam mechanisms... I don't think the internal combustion engine or even electricity will ever replace steam. Not until a couple centuries after it's supposed to. But how did the Confederates get a hold of it all?"

"Espionage. After the life support system need to save Lincoln was invented, we rushed to build it. The rest of the technology was to be implemented soon after, but it was stolen by a Confederate infiltrator. He took a carriage literally full of schematics and blueprints back to the Confederates and left a bomb in its place. Most of the scientists were killed. A year or two later, Confederate war machines started appearing on the battlefield."

"And the Union has never been able to recreate the technology that was stolen," The Engineer said, "This alternate history could not have played out better for the Confederates."

"But you're here now," Bowers reminded him, "You're helping us win. You can fix this."

"Nothing to fix. Even if I help you win, it won't magically undo the damage that's been done. The world I belong in will never happen in this timeline. If I am to "fix" this, I have to wipe this whole world out, just like I did to the dinosaur civilization."

"...Dinosaur civilization?" Bowers asked, with an eyebrow raised.

"It's a long-" The Engineer began, before gripping his forehead in sudden pain, "...uh, a long story."

"Are you okay?"

"Ya... just... remembering something," The Engineer said, "When the Medic tried to-"

Sudden agony exploded through the Engineer's mind. He dropped to his knees and gripped his head, yelling in pain.

"Medic?" The Engineer screamed, as new memories formed in his head, "Oh God, what have you done?"

The Medic stared out the windshield of the rental car. Before him was the main building of the University of Texas. Next to him was the newspaper he had purchased three days ago, not long after plunging out of the sky. As soon as he'd realized what time he was in, he had begun the trip to Texas. He had a single goal in mind, and knew how to accomplish it. It was simple: The fastest way to get where you belong was to never have left at all.

The newspaper was dated March 17, 1949. A bit more than the couple days off target that the Engineer had predicted. The Medic had heard the Engineer's talk about preserving time, and assumed he would disprove of erasing events from history, but wasn't that what the Engineer himself had done? Now here the Medic was, 20 years in the past, in a world that, as far as he could see, hadn't been the slightest bit altered by the changes to prehistoric history. The Medic didn't know about the absurd things his team members had encountered, and in the version of reality he occupied, they had not happened at all.

A young man exited the main building of the University, carrying a stack of textbooks. He was currently studying for his 7th PhD. He was still a long ways from becoming the Engineer that the Medic knew. The Medic cracked his knuckles and exhaled slowly. It was now or never. He was going to kill the Engineer, here, in the past. Without the Engineer, the time machine would never be created. Time would rewrite itself, and the Medic, along with the entire team, would be back where they belonged. The Medic slowly stepped out of the car, reaching into his jacket for his syringe gun.


End file.
